Posted by Teddy Panos, Sun Staff
It’s been said the quality of books written about a sport is related to the size of the ball used in that sport; the smaller the ball, the better the book. However, Sergio Garcia’s disqualification from this weekend’s PGA Championship brought me to another realization; the smaller the ball, the more likely its participants are to cheat.
Due to the presence of whistle-toting referees, basketball rules are tough to circumvent, unless you’re playing pickup games and using creative scorekeeping (or if the referee is the one doing the cheating). Same goes for soccer, where the lack of action makes participants far too sleepy to bother cheating. Other than Lester Hayes dipping his hands in “stick ‘em” or players greasing up their uniforms to avoid holding, football doesn’t lend itself to much chicanery either.
Baseball players, on the other hand, employ more foreign objects than George “The Animal” Steel. Pine Tar, saliva, Vaseline and nail files are but a few products used to doctor cowhide. Wine country might avoid the cork shortage if the likes of Sammy Sosa didn’t use it to keep their bats from aging. And hey, what’s an occasional steroid laced needle to the rear end amongst friends? It’s not like baseball had rules against it or anything. (An aside to those using this argument to defend Barry “BALCO” Bonds; I’m guessing the standard players contract doesn’t include specific language prohibiting murder either, but it is still, you know, ILLEGAL!)
Which brings us to the links, and undoubtedly the sportsworld’s biggest cheaters; golfers. How else does one explain the draconian rules of golf? Have you ever read that document? It’s ridiculously strict. I mean, you try getting the ball out of a bunker without manipulating your club to create a nice little sand “tee?”
Sergio Garcia signs an incorrect scorecard, a scorecard kept by his playing partner Boo Weekly, and gets booted from a Major. (Until Saturday, I thought Boo Weekly was what the galleries should have been doing to Sergio as the maddening Spaniard re-gripped his club 337-times before swinging it) To the average person, the death sentence seems rather harsh for such a minor and correctable infraction.
Now, perhaps golf’s governing bodies could use a little nudge into the 21st century, but the reason such strict guidelines exist is because they have to. Otherwise, the foot wedge would be the club of choice when faced with a sticky predicament on the course. With dozens of cameras covering a tournament, the pros can’t get away with much cheating. At the lower levels? Fuggedaboudit! Try placing a friendly wager with your buddies during your next golf outing, and the rule book disappears from your scorekeeping faster than the six mulligans and three complete whiffs do.
Look at the bright side Sergio. The penalties in marbles are much harsher. However, the literature about the game is phenomenal.
Programming note: You “make-believe” sports fanatics out there will want to keep your phone lines open next Monday for the SportsTalk Live Fantasy Football Preview show. Lowell Sun pigskin pundit Dave Pevear joins yours truly for an hour-long discussion on who to draft, who to avoid like the plague, and who to pawn off on unsuspecting owners not smart enough to follow our advice.
Now, I don’t know about Mr. Pevear, but when it comes to fantasy football prowess, to paraphrase my alter ego Ron Burgundy; “I’m kind of a big deal. I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany trophy cases. I’m friends with Merlin Olsen, too!”
Keep an eye on the Lowel Sun, LowellSun.com and TheSunBlog for details on how to listen in or, better yet, participate.
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