Posted by Teddy Panos, Sun Staff

-----The Red Sox will soon announce plans to expand Fenway Park’s capacity by 143-seats. Construction on the “Tower of Terror Pavilion” will begin immediately following the 2008 season and is expected to be finished in time for the 2009 campaign. The new seats, selling for $750 per game, will run up and down the giant Coke bottle located high above the center field bleachers and can only be accessed via a helicopter basket drop.

In order to ensure the project captures the “historic” feel of the ballpark, Sox President Larry Lucchino asked the architect to design all 143-seats at an angle that allows ticket holders a direct view of every inch of Fenway Park except the one area where all game action originates…the pitcher’s mound. In addition, they’ll barely be big enough to contain an average sized human being circa 1912, meaning anyone larger than 5’6” 145-pounds will need a giant shoe horn to slide in and out of the chairs. They will have cup holders, however.

-----In a move sure to stun the national media and fantasy football fans in search of an inside edge, Patriots coach Bill Belichick has decided to alter the team’s policy on disclosing injury information. Beginning with the first week of training camp, Belichick will open his daily press conferences with a 10-15 minute update on every player who steps foot in the trainer’s room, even if the sole purpose of that visit is to pay respects to a member of the team’s medical staff who suffered a death in the family.

This means Tom Brady will no longer be listed as “Probable (shoulder)” on the weekly injury report unless he’s really probable with a shoulder injury. In addition, the star Quarterback’s every step at Gillette Stadium and in Greenwich Village will be filmed by a member of the team’s video staff and broadcast live on Patriots.com. “It’s not like I can use these guys on the sidelines anymore” said the Pats head coach. “What do I care how many Stalkerazzi TMZ has to lay off as a result?”

-----Robert Kraft and John Henry are joining forces in an effort buy the Boston Bruins when current ownership puts the team on the market this offseason. “I’ve decided I no longer have the hunger to win a Stanley Cup at all costs,” said current B’s owner Jeremy Jacobs. “Actually, I stopped trying decades ago, but was making so much money off the insanely loyal Boston hockey fans that I couldn’t quite pull the trigger.” With Black and Gold wearing Hockey Krishnas no longer flocking to the “House Dimitri Kvartolnov Built” like lemmings, Jacobs figures the least he can do is sell to a pair of guys who know you actually have to spend a buck or two on quality players to win a championship.

-----Hollywood sources indicate actress Jennifer Garner will leave husband Ben Affleck when filming of “This Side of Truth” commences in Lowell next week. The actress, a staple of People Magazine’s “50 Most Beautiful People in the World” list, has her sights set on another, yet unnamed leading man.

“I’ve grown tired of living with a filthy rich heartthrob like Ben,” Garner was reportedly overheard telling friends. “This new man is everything I ever wanted: aging, overweight, hairy and flat broke. He even writes his own sports blog. I can’t wait to tour the Mill City’s hot spots with him!”

In case that last “scoop” wasn’t enough to tip you off, check your calendars. And Happy April Fool’s Day!