Quick trivia question; who is Rondel Menendez and why should football fans care about him?

Tick-tick-tick. I’m waiting for your answer. No, he’s not Lyle and Erik’s long, lost brother.

Give up yet? You have no clue, do you? I wouldn’t expect you to.

Rondel Menendez is a former Eastern Kentucky wide receiver who never played a down of NFL football and wasn’t even good enough to make it in the European League. He also happens to posses the fastest 40-yard dash time in NFL scouting combine history.

Faster than Herschel Walker. Faster than “Prime Time” Deion Sanders. Faster than world class hurdler Renaldo “Skeets” Nehemiah. Faster than Olympic gold medal winning sprinter Johnny “Lam” Jones.

I mention Menendez’ speed because football’s annual dog and pony show, aka the scouting combine, has taken place in Indianapolis over the last week. In the process, hundreds of prospects have been more heavily scrutinized than Britney Spears during child visitation, minus the helicopter footage, of course.

They’ve stripped down to their boxers. Had every body part measured and evaluated. Been poked and prodded by every known medical device. Undergone intelligence and personality testing. If Katie Couric ever became an NFL General Manager, they’d probably have to undergo a televised colonoscopy, too.

Oh yeah, they’ve also had their football skills and athletic abilities put to the test. And this is where our friend, Mr. Menendez comes in.

You see, I’ve always been fascinated by football’s talent evaluators and how much stock they give someone’s speed in the 40. I get the agility drills. I get the strength tests. I get the skills evaluation. I even get the intelligence testing, though I’m thinking at most positions besides quarterback, a low IQ is preferable to a high one. I mean, you don’t often find Mensa candidates willing to subject their bodies to the violent collisions, often compared to high speed car crashes, which football players must endure multiple times on game day.

But someone’s time in the 40? I don’t see how that’s relevant. Not when they’re running on a smooth surface, with track shoes, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, no football to protect, and nobody meaning to cause physical harm in hot pursuit. How realistic is that?

You really want to impress me? Put on the helmet and shoulder pads, tuck a football under your arm and try running 40-yards after you’ve been smacked around by 300-pounders nearly as fast as you are for 3 ½ quarters.

Case in point; Jerry Rice, who was never considered a true speed-burner. Can you think of one time in the prime of his career when Rice got caught from behind after catching a pass and breaking clear in the secondary?

You know what’s even more useless? Timing quarterbacks in the 40. I could care less how fast a signal-caller runs. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning would be hard-pressed to beat Jenny Craig castoff Kirstie Alley in a footrace, yet they’re better than noted speedster Michael “Bow-Wow” Vick at avoiding a pass rush.

The only agility test I’d put a quarterback through is the Patches O’Houlihan Dodgeball Drill; drop the QB back 7-yards deep in the pocket while four scouts holding wrenches begin rushing at him. The talent evaluators will then make a throwing motion, but only one will actually release the wrench. Give me the passer who can side-step metal projectiles over the “deer in the headlights” with sprinter’s speed any day of the week.

Just as the Average Joe’s team was wise to remember the five “D’s” of Dodgeball (dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge), NFL talent evaluators would be wise to remember the five “F’s” of football; false forty foot-speed fires front-offices!