
There’s nothing like opening day at a baseball game, be it in the majors or minors. (Heck, even a tee-ball opener is a big deal to the kids and parents) So it should come as no surprise I packed up the laptop and carried it on down to LeLacheur Park for the first game of the Lowell Spinners 2006 Season.
For those not here, the game is being televised live on public access television. (No truth to the rumor Wayne and Garth are being bumped from the schedule) But one thing TV can’t capture is the “Spinners Experience,‿ the action that takes place when the baseball action takes a break. And no team, at any level, is better than Lowell’s NY-Penn League entry at making minor league baseball a family event.
With that as a backdrop, here’s a minute-by-minute view of the zaniness that is the Lowell Spinners 2006 season opener:
6:20 Your faithful blogger arrives as the ballpark.
6:25 Your fat blogger devours his first Italian sausage of the season. Rest assured, it won’t be the last.

6:44 Being opening day and all, the pre-game ceremonies begin early. Naturally, where there’s a crowd, you’ll find politicians and the locals are out in full force. City Manager John Cox, Mayor Bill Martin and Councilors James Millinazo, Bud Caulfield, Rita Mercier, Kevin Broderick and George Ramirez are introduced to the crowd.
The manager keeps a safe distance from the councilors. What? You thought they’d be all huggy-kissy or something?
6:55 The loudest cheer during player introductions goes to Spinners pitcher Joshua Papelbon. Apparently, Mill City baseball fans are trying to make up for the fact they didn’t recognize his brother’s greatness while he was here in 2003.
7:08 The big moment arrives. Director of Corporate Communications, Jon Goode, has been promising a MAJOR pre-game announcement. The press box is buzzing with speculation over what that might be. (OK, not exactly buzzing. It’s just Sun Writer David Pevear and I joking that with the Spinners penchant for wackiness it could be almost anything) Needless to say, they don’t disappoint.

GM Tim Bawmann, microphone in hand, runs onto the field with the Canaligator and frantically asks if there’s a veterinarian in the house. Soon, a helicopter arrives and out runs someone wearing blue scrubs. They all head to the kids’ area, and a minute later Canaligator and his new bride Allie-Gator walk out with their just delivered baby, Millie-Gator, in a stroller.
(I swear, I’m not making any of this up! Even more troubling, I predicted it, half-jokingly, off course. But you should have seen Jon Goode’s face when I said it to him before the game!)
You’ll recall, Canaligator and Allie-Gator married in May during a much publicized and well-attended event at the ballpark. I’m not sure the gestation period for alligators, but the joke in the press box is that it was obviously a shotgun wedding.
7:26 Spinners lefty Mario Pena records the final out in the top of the 1st as the crowd comes to its feet. No, not to cheer the pitcher, but because it’s time for the first between-innings attraction…the T-Shirt toss. You’d be amazed what people will do for anything free!
7:27 The first boos of the season are heard. An error? No. Because the gun shooting the freebie shirts into the back rows misfires, causing one to land harmlessly in the infield. The lesson; never mess with people’s free stuff!

7:36 Jon Goode enters the press box and asks how I knew what the big secret was. “Lucky guess‿ I say, assuring him no one spilled the beans. My “inside source‿ at the concession stand gets to keep her job a bit longer. (Just kidding, Jon!)
Jon also informs me a typical gator pregnancy lasts 45-days, so the event was timed perfectly to coincide with the wedding. No shotguns necessary. Somewhere, Jerry Falwell and the moral majority are smiling.
8:09 My favorite between innings contest; the base race begins. This is the one where Canaligator races a little kid around the bases. Tonight’s challenger is a young boy named Zach. He touches home plate first, keeping the poor mascot’s losing streak intact. I think he’s now something like 0-for-1,324.

I’ve always been curious what would happen if one of these nights, the person in the costume decides enough is enough and actually wins the race. Picture it now…some poor 5-year old gets beat in front of 5,000 people…is traumatized for life and has to undergo counseling for losing to an alligator. Oh the humanity!
Aren’t you glad I don’t run a minor league franchise?
8:15 The Spinners introduce their newest between-innings entry…Dancing with the Gators. Fans are asked to call a number and vote for Meghan or Ashley, who are about to bust a few moves with the mascots. Unfortunately, Ashley is shy and saves her fancy footwork for the next school dance.
8:17 The phone next to me in the press box starts ringing off the hook. It’s a landslide for Meghan, and a new hit promotion for the Spinners. Let’s just hope a Fear Factor promo isn’t in the planning stages.
8:21 The promos are coming fast and furious. The “Spinnerama,‿ where contestants place their forehead on a bat and spin around 10-times before trying to run toward Canaligator, once again leads to someone wiping out on the infield. This is always a fun event for the spectators. However, if I’m in the stands and a member of the Spinners staff approaches me about entering, I’m making a b-line for the men’s room.
8:30 My second favorite contest, the Sumo Challenge, begins. If it weren’t muggy and about 110-degrees in the shade, I might actually get a kick out of putting on one of those costumes. For the record, the guy in the red “diaper‿ is kicking butt.
8:40 Lightning has them ooh-ing and ah-ing in the stands.
8:41 Thunder has them heading for the exits.
8:45 The umps clear the field while the grounds crew breaks out the tarp. Nothing elicits more groans in press row than a rain delay. By the time this one’s finished, there may be more of us than spectators.
9:15 Still raining…

9:17 A couple of computers down from me, Jon Goode logs onto TheSunBlog.com to see exactly why I’ve been tying up his phone line for the last 3 hours.
9:27 Whew! Jon says he won’t revoke my credential. He probably doesn't want to lose out on the money I spend at the food stands.
9:29 The grounds crew returns to remove the tarp, led by General Manager Bawmann who’s lifting tires and helping out the process. Think Theo Epstein has to do that?
9:41 Another round of free T-shirts for those who braved the weather and stuck around. There isn’t a better run business, in any industry, than the Spinners. They know how to treat a customer.
9:53 The game finally resumes, after a 1-hour 8-minute rain delay.
Your friendly blogger on the other hand, is calling it a night. There’s an NBA Finals game to watch and a big, bald center to root against.
I’ll be back again and again over the summer. I am invited, right Jon?