Time to open the envelope and reveal a few award winning thoughts while wondering exactly what inspired the normally gorgeous Charlize Theron to wear that ridiculous gown:

An optimist will see David Wells’ 15-wins in 2005 and be happy he wants to remain with the Red Sox. I see a soon to be 43-year old, overweight pitcher coming off knee surgery, a 4.45 ERA, and a .296 batting average against. Guess that makes me a pessimist, huh?

Another negative side effect of Wells’ change of heart might be Jon Papelbon being shifted to the bullpen, or worse, back to the minors. You can never have enough pitching, but I’d rather take a chance on the new blood in 2006.

However, I must object to some of the lofty expectations placed on the “young� righty. A well-known Boston scribe, appearing on 7Sports Xtra, compared him to Roger Clemens. Please! Papelbon is already 25-years old. At the age of 25, Clemens won his first Cy Young. Josh Beckett is also 25, and he already had his breakthrough moment 3 World Series ago. To paraphrase Bill Parcells, can we wait a bit before we induct Papelbon in the Hall of Fame?

Can we also do away with the Tim Wakefield “personal catcher� experiment? I know Jason Varitek needs more rest, but do we really want to see John Flaherty, Josh Bard or Ken Huckaby starting a potential playoff game like Doug Mirabelli did in ’04? Give ‘Tek two days off a week no matter who’s pitching, and have him prepared to catch Wake in the playoffs should the need arise.

Our prayers go out to Kirby Puckett and his loved ones. Prior to Derek Jeter, Kirby was the best clutch playoff performer these eyes have seen.

I know Paula Abdul lost her home run swing a few years back, but she didn’t deserve the Barry Bonds impersonation. Personally, I thought Bonds looked more like Tina Turner in the “Private Dancer� days.

I wish some of my teachers granted me as many extensions as the NFL has received in its labor squabble. Paul Tagliabue and Gene Upshaw seem to have stolen my high school motto; “Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow.�

As I’ve been saying for a while, the real battle isn’t players vs. owners. It’s owners vs. owners, with our own Bob Kraft playing a front and center role for the big-market boys not so eager to share more wealth with the small-town contingent.

Enjoyed reading the Sparring Partners back and forth between Chaz Scoggins and Barry Scanlon last week. While I agree the balance of power appears to have shifted out west, I believe the top teams in Hockey East are still good enough to win a one game playoff on any given day.

To Chaz and Barry’s list of BC, BU and Maine, let me also add UNH as an eastern threat. The Wildcats have only lost once in their last nine face-offs, and their Saturday night spanking of the Eagles knocked BC down from first to third in the final standings.

Blaise MacDonald’s UMass-Lowell squad couldn’t have gotten a worse first round draw than former River Hawks coach Tim Whitehead and Maine. The Black Bears held a 19-4 goals advantage during their 3-game regular season sweep of the Mill City pucksters.

Tiger Woods has now won 5-of his last-8 stroke play tournaments dating back to last year. Might be time to make room for another green jacket in Eldrick’s closet, don’t you think?

Finally, it’s nice to see Lowell’s own Micky Ward getting some face time on the cover of EA Sports’ new boxing game, Fight Night 3. However, the TV commercial showing Ward getting knocked out is a bit insulting to a guy who never ended a fight on his back. When asked, Micky laughs it off, but I wonder how Mr. Gatti would have reacted if he were the one sent to la-la land?

That’s my take...what's yours?