It appears Boston.com, and several Boston news channels tonight reported on a terrifying new crime wave in Beacon Hill, where ruthless thugs have residents living in fear.

There have been four robberies and one larceny there already this year, several sources report. There were 8 last year.

I checked and double-checked, and apparently all these reports were made with a straight face.

Meanwhile, there were 261 robberies in Lowell last year, and 2,290 larcenies. Thanks to budget cuts, made by people on Beacon Hill, local police in Lowell are facing massive layoffs.

I decline to comment further. Leave your thoughts in the comments section.