Ah, January. The month we all are reminded that we have no self-control and a frothy tall gingersnap latte with skim milk and sugar substitutes just does not compare to a mint chocolate chip Frappuccino with extra chocolate syrup. Don't forget the whipped cream topping. Lovely.

For 31 days, the reflection in the mirror repeatedly reinforces the notion that your hips and thighs will not be ready for bathing suit season -- no matter how many times you trade the stairs for the elevator. If you thought the first month of the calendar year couldn't get any worse than an episode of The Jersey Shore, you were more off the mark than Snookie's poof and The Situation's ... well, entire situation, fist-pumping included.

Even with the most romantic holiday next month, January has been dubbed the most popular break-up month. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with its timing, since it immediately follows the holidays. Meeting the makers of your significant other and spending more time stressing over what to wear, say, do and reveal to potential future in-laws can make anyone resolve to be single in 2010. Lose weight, save money, quit smoking, refrain from cussing, at least in front of mixed company, and take up residency in singledom are surprisingly the resolutions you'll be hearing your pals make.

Lack of sunshine apparently means splitsville. Shall we designate it national broken heart month? Makes sense -- the two astrological signs that fall into these four weeks are Capricorn and Aquarius. Caps are considered a "feminine negative" represented by a goat and the other is a "masculine positive." To me, it is basic couples calculus. They say opposites attract, but a nagging nelly and a confident cowboy don't exactly constitute a romantic rodeo.

My advice, if your wagon is still hitched after hitting the rocky road, and by that I mean spoonfuls of the decadent frozen treat that went straight to your hips and your other half doesn't seem to notice, hold onto those reins as tightly as possible for the next 17 days. You may just have lassoed a lover worth the ride.

Have you ever put the horse before the carriage in a relationship? E-mail your love lessons and splitsville survival tips to lowellita@lowellsun.com.