With all the college students moving into the Mill City this month, I was brainstorming with a pal of mine about what it takes to call yourself a true Lowellian. I know what you are thinking — Lowellita and one of her vapid friends actually have brains that stimulate over more than just who went home with whom last weekend. To be completely honest, we were just trying to block out the image of Gisele licking Brady’s wounds and the fact that the economy is doing worse than Scott Weiland at a pill party.

Looking around at the influx of newbies at the Old Court, we decided that they have a lot to learn — and I don’t mean in the classroom. There is always a battle in the city between the lifelong Lowellians and the Blowellians, especially come the fall when the lines to the ladies room at the local watering holes resemble the seventh inning stretch at Fenway.

If you are going to call Lowell home for the next nine months, here’s a list of 25 things to do to avoid blow-in status.

1. Find parking in Centralville or Pawtucketville during a snow ban.
2. Drink draft Pabst Blue Ribbon at The Worthen.
3. Discover the cure for a hangover — the Boott Mill sandwich at Arthur’s Paradise Diner.
4. Nod sympathetically and knowingly about the closing of Evos.
5. Become obsessed with Jack Kerouac — at least for one semester.
6. Roll your eyes when someone mentions Jack Kerouac and call him a hack, but only after living here for at least a year.
7. Trip or break a heel on the cobblestones of Middle Street one night or early morning.
8. Curse the gentrification of Middlesex Street that caused the loss of Barney’s Delicatessen.
9. Stand in line at the Brewery Exchange for 30 minutes in the rain, before you realize they use shot regulators and you can get three gallons of gas for the cost of one cocktail.
10. Curse yourself the morning after inhaling an omelet at the Club Diner after last call.
11. Curse yourself the morning after inhaling a steak bomb from Santoro’s Sub Shop after last call.
12. Throw parking tickets in a drawer in hope that the registry will someday just forgive and forget.
13. Eat an entire fat chicken from Suppa’s.
14. Know City Councilor Rita Mercier’s phone number by heart.
15. Start calling every grocery store Demoulas.
16. Know at least one person who is in the Lowell Sun daily — mostly just in the arrest log.
17. Spend more time idling in your car on one of the city’s bridges than at the Pollard Memorial Library.
18. Consider yourself part of the creative economy as reason to justify lingering outside Brew’d Awakening all day.
19. Know how to dupe the Lowell Police handing out speeding tickets at the end of the Connector by getting off the Thorndike Street exit.
20. Swear by Espresso Pizza, but order Fio’s anyway since they deliver.
21. Only venture into downtown for two reasons: to drink or jury duty.
22. Somehow come up with a way that you are related to Micky Ward, even if it’s by marriage.
23. Eat at either the Athenian Corner or the Olympia — never both.
24. Defend your position in an argument by saying, “Well, I read it in the Lowell Sun.”
25. Know the true identity of Lowellita and buy her a beer once or twice.

What makes you a true Lowellian? E-mail your reasons to lowellita@lowellsun.com.