I broke up with Jack last week. There was no other way to do it than just go our separate ways — a clean break. The relationship was not going anywhere, actually it was never a real relationship anyway. It was more of a last resort booty call when I needed a pick me up.

The flirtation would start late in the evening, always after a couple of drinks. One thing would lead to another and Jack would somehow convince me that he was good for me and I would give into the temptation. The next morning would always begin with the walk of shame.

Jack always left a bad taste in my mouth and I was never going to let him touch my lips again. I haven’t told him yet, so sorry Jack but the consequences of spending another night with you will just lead to heartbreak.

My split with Jack made me realize that many alcoholic beverages bear a man’s name. It could be ironic or just some cruel joke, but the majority of trouble in my entourage’s and my own life stems from mixing the two together. A lethal combination.

There is that dysfunctional relationship one of my pals has with Sam. His personality changes from season to season. Sometimes he is bitter, other times he is sweet. Most of the time he is sour, but no matter what she always goes back for more. Must be his Boston accent.

Then there was the ladies man — Jose. No one could resist his pungent cologne and salty taste that made all of us take our clothes off at some point. Jose broke many hearts in his days. Usually the morning after, when all that was left of the Svengali was a burning sensation.

Johnnie was a strange phase one of my friends went through. We could measure his mood by the color he wore. He didn’t last too long because his lifestyle was too difficult for the underpaid administrative assistant to keep up with. She dumped him for Bud.

Morgan’s nickname was Captain. Not quite sure how he acquired that name. His dress was a little too, how should I put this ... festive, and raised more than a few eyebrows of our guy friends. His ship set sale after a few months. She left Morgan for a fling with Stella.

As for myself, the short lived romance with Jack caused me to lose myself. When I was with him I became another person. I had violent mood swings, stayed up way too late on work nights and thought that I resembled Eva Longoria at last call when in reality it was Amy Winehouse.

My mother didn’t approve of him. My father thought he was bringing me down. Even my best friend gave me a guilt trip about his influence over me.

I left Jack and went back to my ex — Miller. Things have been working out fine ever since.

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