Spring is like the light at the end of the tunnel. You can see it, you know it is getting closer, but it still seems so far away. This time of year in Lowell ushers in rain, daffodils sprouting from cracks in the pavement and long lines at the car wash on Middlesex Street.

Side effects of warmer temperatures and stronger doses of vitamin D brought on by the sun may create feelings of euphoria and cause laugh lines. It may also cause you to neglect your MySpace account, going without an update for a more than five hours. This will gradually increase as the mercury rises.

The sunny season’s side effects also bring the return of evenings of patio partying at The Courtyard and an overabundance of mukluks on the clearance racks. Can anyone tell me when these furry boots will move toward the light to their final resting place?

The crisp coolness of Sammy’s Summer Ale replaces heavy winter lagers and finally the fruit at the grocery store doesn’t look like it came from a Third World nation. Ah spring, what a lovely thing.

But the main attraction, as the days get longer and the nights get shorter, is not opening day at Fenway — though that may be at the top of everyone’s list, it is the kickoff of mating season for all mammals. And I am not talking about those pesky Acre alley cats howling all night long.

This means the dating season has officially commenced in downtown.

Within the boundaries of the cobblestone-lined streets is a hunting ground. Though some may attempt to stray outside the mill barriers, most stream into this area looking for their potential prey. For those who have been suffering from hook-up hibernation, this is the most exciting time of the year.

Men shed their winter facial hair and show off their new physique that it took since September to transform. Women also do some shedding — of clothing that is. Tank tops, skirts and bare legs return in their full glory. From the lines of bare legs at the Brewery Exchange all winter long, one could argue that we reside in the other L.A. Jean skirts in February are tacky, ladies, even if you fake sun it all year round or are a Pussycat Doll.

The issue at hand is that after such a bleak, boring and bitter five months, many of us need a refresher on our socializing skills. Here are some pickup pointers for all those lacking in self-promotion proficiency.

First off, if you want someone to take interest in you, insulting them — even if it’s a joke — is not the way to go. The dating scene is not grammar school, when kicking your crush in the crotch or putting gum in their hair is flirting.

Also, never snap, wave or call out “Hey you‚” from across the bar. Wait staff are not too keen on this tactic and neither are women.

Finally, offering to buy someone a drink is not a proposition to perform unnatural acts. Ordering a sex on the beach does not mean it will lead that way. And if they order that cheesy cocktail, whether they’re male or female, you may want to call the night a wash and head home.

What are your pickup pointers? E-mail lowellita@lowellsun.com