King of white trash, Kid Rock, pleaded not guilty to a charges of battery from a fight at a Waffle House in Atlanta.

Robert James Ritchie, AKA Kid Rock, was not present for the plea. His attorney, Darryl Cohen, waived an arraignment hearing and entered the plea on his behalf in DeKalb County State Court.

Last October, Kid Rock and five members of his entourage were arrested on a misdemeanor charge of simple battery. The fight started after the group popped into Atlanta Waffle House following a performance at The Tabernacle.

Officials say punches were thrown after a customer recognized one of the groupies and exchanged words with her....wonder what those words could have been? Maybe one began with a "w"?

Kid Rock and his crew responded and a fight ensued. No Tommy Lees were hurt in this fight.

Yesterday afternoon, scouts for the flick "This Side of Truth were scooping out Cobblestones, a downtown Lowell hot-spot and home-away-from-home to Lowell’s glitteratti. According to the rumor mill, the producer and entourage arrived about 11 a.m. to view the location. Word is they will use the historic brick building for a scene in the film that includes star Jennifer Garner.

Filming for "This Side of Truth" is set to begin in the spring here in the Mill City. Ricky Gervais, creator of "The Office" and the HBO series Extras, directs and writes with Matt Robinson. The cast includes Gervais, Garner, Jonah Hill, Rob Lowe and Louis C.K., according to industry Web site IMDB.com.

Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter will inherit her late mother’s estate.

A Los Angeles judge on Tuesday not only made 18-month-old Dannielynn Hope the sole heir, but also set up a trust in the girl’s name. Should be some craddle robbing going on in the near future.

Her father, Larry Birkhead, and Smith’s executor, Howard K. Stern, will be co-trustees.
Superior Court Judge Mitchell Beckloff granted a petition filed by Stern, who wanted to clarify Smith’s intentions toward her daughter. Smith drafted a will in 2001 — five years before the child was born — that left her estate to her then only child, Daniel. However, it said the assets in Daniel’s trust should be shared equally if she had future children.
Daniel was 20 when he died in 2006, three days after Dannielynn was born.

Dannielynn could inherit millions of dollars if the estate wins an ongoing court fight over the oil fortune of Smith’s late second husband, J. Howard Marshall. Smith at one point won a $474 million judgment but it was eventually reduced to zero. In 2006, the U.S. Supreme Court reinstated her claim, but Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote that Marshall didn’t include anything for Smith in his will.

I broke up with Jack last week. There was no other way to do it than just go our separate ways — a clean break. The relationship was not going anywhere, actually it was never a real relationship anyway. It was more of a last resort booty call when I needed a pick me up.

The flirtation would start late in the evening, always after a couple of drinks. One thing would lead to another and Jack would somehow convince me that he was good for me and I would give into the temptation. The next morning would always begin with the walk of shame.

Jack always left a bad taste in my mouth and I was never going to let him touch my lips again. I haven’t told him yet, so sorry Jack but the consequences of spending another night with you will just lead to heartbreak.

My split with Jack made me realize that many alcoholic beverages bear a man’s name. It could be ironic or just some cruel joke, but the majority of trouble in my entourage’s and my own life stems from mixing the two together. A lethal combination.

There is that dysfunctional relationship one of my pals has with Sam. His personality changes from season to season. Sometimes he is bitter, other times he is sweet. Most of the time he is sour, but no matter what she always goes back for more. Must be his Boston accent.

Then there was the ladies man — Jose. No one could resist his pungent cologne and salty taste that made all of us take our clothes off at some point. Jose broke many hearts in his days. Usually the morning after, when all that was left of the Svengali was a burning sensation.

Johnnie was a strange phase one of my friends went through. We could measure his mood by the color he wore. He didn’t last too long because his lifestyle was too difficult for the underpaid administrative assistant to keep up with. She dumped him for Bud.

Morgan’s nickname was Captain. Not quite sure how he acquired that name. His dress was a little too, how should I put this ... festive, and raised more than a few eyebrows of our guy friends. His ship set sale after a few months. She left Morgan for a fling with Stella.

As for myself, the short lived romance with Jack caused me to lose myself. When I was with him I became another person. I had violent mood swings, stayed up way too late on work nights and thought that I resembled Eva Longoria at last call when in reality it was Amy Winehouse.

My mother didn’t approve of him. My father thought he was bringing me down. Even my best friend gave me a guilt trip about his influence over me.

I left Jack and went back to my ex — Miller. Things have been working out fine ever since.

To share a slice of your life with Lowellita visit www.thesunblog.com/frosting or e-mail lowellita@lowellsun.com.

All in the family...

Following in the footsteps of his big sis, Barron Hilton was charged with misdemeanor charges of driving under the influence, unlawful use of a license and unlicensed driving. The Los Angeles District Attorney filed charges officially yesterday.

The 18-year-old little bro of Paris Hilton was arrested on Feb. 12 in Malibu after his blood alcohol level was registered at .08 — above the legal limit.

Papa knows best

Britney Spears’ father still wants a piece of her and he will get it. Jamie Spears will retain control over his daughter’s personal and business affairs until July 31, a court spokesman said yesterday. The ruling by Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Reva Goetz was made on Wednesday, said spokesman Allan Parachini.

The court placed Brit’s assets under the co-conservatorship of her father and attorney Andrew Wallet after Spears was hospitalized twice in January for psychiatric evaluation. The conservatorship was set to expire on March 10.

It has been a downward spiral for Spears since she split with her ex-husband Kevin Federline in 2006. In the year leading up to the hospitalizations, Spears had been caught on camera by paparazzi engaging in increasingly bizarre behavior. She shaved her head, beat a vehicle with an umbrella, wore skirts sans underwear, donned a pink wig and left her car on a busy thoroughfare after getting a flat tire. The Louisiana native also has adopted a British accent — like her hero, Madonna.

Her behavior caused the fallen pop princess to lose custody of her two sons, Jayden James, 1, and Sean Preston, 2. K-Fed continues to have full custody and she was allowed brief visits with the boys beginning in late February after not seeing them for nearly two months.

Hard time for soft core

Girls Gone Wild mogul Joe Francis has lost his bid to be released from a Nevada jail without fear of being extradited to Florida.

The 34-year-old video empire founder is facing trial in Nevada for tax evasion. He’s wanted in Florida on charges related to filming underage girls on spring break. Francis has been jailed for nearly a year while caught in a tug-of-war between the two states.

On Wednesday, U.S. District Judge Brian Sandoval denied arguments by Francis’ lawyers that would have freed Francis, but kept Florida prosecutors from jailing him.
Francis has made millions selling videos of often inebriated women exposing themselves.

Lowell is on the menu for TV and radio personality Billy Costa. The host of New England Cable News channel’s “TV Diner” will sink his whitened chicklets into five downtown Lowell eateries.
In a segment on the weekly foodie feature, Costa and crew adventure out to what they dub “Delicious Destinations.”

Next Tuesday they will film at handful of restaurants and will interview the students at the Lowell High School culinary academy. Costa will pop into downtown Lowell anchor, Cobblestones; new kids on the block Centro and the Blue Taleh; martini Mecca, Caffé Paradiso; and the go-to Greek mainstay, Athenian Corner.

“We pick areas that are up and coming great culinary neighborhoods,” explained producer and on-air talent Jenny Johnson. “Each week we feature a different city, town, neighborhood that are places of culinary interest.”

According to Johnson, Costa will also interview Steve Ramirez, co-owner of the Blue Taleh as part of the program. The swank sushi joint has been creating quite the buzz within the local hipster community for it’s fresh food, funky atmosphere and reasonably priced cocktails.

The segment on Lowell will air Saturday, March 22 at 10 a.m. and then again at 7 p.m. on NECN.

Lunch Date

If there is any day of the week to grab lunch out in downtown Lowell, today would be the day. Billy Costa of TV Diner and his chipper blonde assistant, Jenny Johnson, will be chowing down at five Mill City eateries this afternoon.

Grab your 15 minutes of fame as the TV and radio personality ventures what they dub “Delicious Destinations.” Those include Cobblestones, Centro, the Blue Taleh, Caffé Paradiso, and Athenian Corner.

You could get your mug on the New England Cable news program. Just make sure there isn’t any spinach in your teeth. See if you made the final cut when the Lowell segment airs Saturday, March 22, at 10 a.m. and then again at 7 p.m. on NECN.

Funky Fashion

Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Lopez and Jessica Simpson all have made their way through Chelmsford— their clothing line that is. Now add Avril Lavigne to the roster.

The punk princess joins a never-ending list of celeb-turned-designers with a clothing line exclusively for Kohl’s department stores. “Abbey Dawn” will hit the juniors department this spring. The label’s moniker comes from Lavigne’s childhood nickname.

“I actually am the designer,” she told Newsweek for editions on newsstands yesterday. “I try everything on and approve it all.”

That means plenty of hot pink, skulls and studs.

Best Comedic Performance

Jon Stewart will reprise his role as host, this time for the “Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education” on April 13. It maybe no Oscars, but comedic heavy weights Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler, Steve Carell, Tina Fey, Conan O’Brien, Stephen Colbert, Sarah Silverman and Amy Poehler will share the stage with Stewart.

The second biannual event at the Beacon Theater in New York, will air live on Comedy Central 8 p.m. The night will feature standup routines, sketches and short films from a gluttony of comic talent that also includes Matthew Broderick, Jonah Hill, Kevin James, Rosie O’Donnell and Susie Essman.

It’s the second such benefit and was organized in part due to Robert Smigel, whose son, Daniel, is autistic. Smigel’s most famous character, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, will also be attendance.

The night will raise money for schools and education programs for autistic children and adults. A portion of the proceeds will also go to the advocacy group Autism Speaks. The first “Night of Too Many Stars,” held in October 2006, raised more than $2.6 million.
It was also the first event to air live on Comedy Central. This year’s broadcast will also be streamed online the day after. A $1.99 download of the show will be available on iTunes and xBox Live Marketplace, with all proceeds going to charity.

A little stripper told me...

Hold the poles! Are the Sopranos returning to the big screen soon?

The real-life manager of the strip club that fronted for the Bada Bing on HBO’s “The Sopranos” thinks there might be. Satin Dolls manager Nick D’Urso says he’s holding off on renovations to the strip club in Lodi, N.J., after getting a tip that a movie would be made. Like anyone involved with the Sopranos — he wouldn’t name names.

An HBO spokeswoman says there’s no truth to the rumor that plans are in the works for a film about Tony, Paulie, Carmella, Meadow and A.J.

D’Urso says he’ll wait until after the summer to renovate in case the tip pans out.
Satin Dolls has already auctioned off its bronze-colored stripper poles and replaced them.

Wanted to give the 411 out to DKM fans in Greater Lowell. The second Drop Kick Murphy show on Saturday, March 15 will be moved from the Lowell Memorial Auditorium to the Tsongas Arena.

All tix purchased for the Auditorium will be honored at the Arena for the 8:30 p.m. show. An additional 3,300 tickets went on saletoday at noon at the Arena and all TicketMaster outlets, phone lines and internet.

Tickets are $32.50.

For the second time in a year, Britney Spears, will attempt a career comeback. The fallen pop princess will appear on the CBS show How I Met Your Mother.

Not sure who would want Britney to meet their mother, but who’s judging?

Spears will guest star in a March 24 episode of the cult series, CBS spokeswoman Kelli Raftery told The Associated Press on Tuesday. The pop star will portray a receptionist in a dermatologist’s office named Abby who becomes “smitten” with Ted, played by actor Josh Radnor.

Craig Thomas, the show’s creator, told Usmagazine.com that Ms. Spears attended a table reading with the cast on Monday, and that her films will probably be filmed later this week. He said representatives for Spears approached CBS about “Mother” because “she was looking for a small part on a funny show.”

Guess the girl needs a good laugh.

Spears has previous TV sitcom experience playing a character on a 2006 episode of Will and Grace and also was the host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live in 2000.

New York City may be the fashion capital of the Western world, but Los Angeles is gaining on its heels.

L.A. Fashion week is a star studded event. This time instead of the celebrities in the front row, they’re behind the scenes running the show.

The less famous of the Hilton sisters, only because she never made a porno, Nicky showed of her high-end Nicholai line. It was a family affair with her parents, Kathy and Rick; and big sis Paris along with her flavor of the month Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden — lined the runway.

The latest designs from the younger Hilton girl included trench coats, knit tops, houndstooth accents and lots of leather trim. Nicky debuted the more-expensive Nicholai line at New York Fashion Week last year. She launched her first clothing line — the casual Chick by Nicky Hilton — in 2004.

Another famous for just being famous celeb that now has a fashion line is Lauren Conrad. MTV’s reality soap opera star of The Hills made her designer debut without the TV crew in tow.
L.C., as her friends and frienemies call her, told the AP that she did not want the cameras at the fashion show.

“I kinda like that it’s separate,” she said “It’s not something that I really want to be part of a reality television show. It’s a career I want beyond my 15 minutes.”

Conrad’s debut featured 30 different looks from her fall 2008 line. Flowy wraps and strapless dresses were accented with touches like leather gloves and berets. Conrad said the oh-la-la designs were inspired by her recent trip to Paris, which will be documented on “The Hills” when it returns March 24.

Fellow “Hillers” Whitney Port, Audrina Patridge, Lauren “Lo” Bosworth and Brody Jenner lined the front row of Stage One at Smashbox Studios. On-screen adversaries Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, however, were nowhere to be seen. The remaining recognizable faces in the audience were like a who’s who of Laguna Beach alumni.

Kristin Cavallari, who infamously feuded with Conrad on their sun-kissed “Hills” predecessor, was perched next to Jenner pal Frankie Delgado. Meanwhile, Dieter Schmitz and Stephen Colletti, the boy Conrad and Cavallari clashed over in high school, sat on the other side of the catwalk.

Sigh, does high school drama ever end?

Items from The Lauren Conrad Collection are sold exclusively in the area at First Date Boutique, 28 Chestnut St. in Andover.

The traditionalist in me was nagging, like always, to write a column about St. Paddy’s Day. Though I admit to being slightly cliché at times, just a wee little bit, let’s just say I didn’t want to — yet again — conform to the norm. (Yes, you Lowellita cynics and critics, I know that is a cliché, but I was trying to make a point and/or be funny. It’s part of my job description, I think.)

There is really no need to retrogress into yet another column about the number one amateur night of the year and all that blarney. I thought blasé ramblings about consuming too much green beer and a tough piece of meat might bore my more intelligent readers — minus the emerald food color squirted into carbonated beverages for a festive mood, that pretty much sums up every Friday night in Lowell.

Everyone gets it. The 17th of March is a free pass to get loaded, sing out-of-tune U2 songs, pass out on some random couch, wake up the following morning without your shoes or socks and an overwhelming feeling you might have some apologizing to do to more than one person. Happened to me a couple of weeks ago and I didn’t even need a holiday as an excuse to come down with the Irish flu.

Here’s a warning: Watch out! It can be contagious and it’s a slow road to recovery, so proceed with caution.

On a side note, I found my kicks, but my socks just seemed to have vanished. Anyone discovers a pair of purple zebra print trouser socks, you know where to find me. And though I am no Bono, I can belt out any U2 track with the best of them. It’s not that difficult to scream at the top of your lungs after garnering a buzz, “Hello, hello! Hola! I’m at a place called vertigo.”

Somehow this entire column digressed into a rant about the Emerald Isle’s celebrated holiday even though the intent was to avoid it at all costs. But we’re all Irish on St. Patrick’s Day and if you can’t beat ’em — join ’em.

Cheers!

Lowellita apologizes for all the clichés and advises you to rotate between beer and water this weekend. E-mail lowellita@lowellsun.com.

Directors and key people working on This Sideof the Truth, which starts filming in Lowell next month, have leased apartments for three months in various locations in the area. No word where Jennifer Gardner, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill and Ricky Gervais will be bedding down.

By the end of the month, Truth Productions will be setting up an office at Wannalancit Mills. And we hear they are looking for extras!

Production beginsthe second week of April and shooting locations being bandied around are The Courtyard Bar and Grill on Central Street, Lowell Five, a Maynard movietheater, Cobblestones on Dutton Street and Ricardo's Trattoria on Gorham Street.

Getting locked up in a padded cell is the new black. Following in the foot steps of Britney Spears, "Jackass" alum Steve-O was put in a Los Angeles hospital for a 72 hour observation TMZ.com is reporting.

This comes after the prankster who snorted wasabi up his nose in one stunt was charged with felony possession of cocaine.

Steve-O, whose real name is Stephen Glove, was arrested March 3 at his Hollywood home for investigation of vandalism and possession of a controlled substance. He allegedly had a small quantitiy f drugs on him.

WARNING: Today the Dropkick Murphys play two shows at the Tsongas Arena. Anyone who is not in the mood to spend the day with an influx of beer guzzling revelers should stay home.

I'll see the rest of you downtown!

Tip: There may still be some tickets available for the 8:30 p.m. show.

Beatle ex gets a leg up in divorce battle

In the words of Kanye West, I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger. But...

It was a happy St. Patrick’s Day for the former Mrs. Paul McCartney. A judge awarded Heather Mills a total of $48.6 million in the financial settlement of her divorce from Sir Paul.

A document released by the Family Court said the judge awarded Mills a lump sum of $33 million plus the assets she currently holds worth $15.6 million.
“I’m so, so happy with this,” Mills told reporters following the closed hearing.

You didn’t think she would be that upset — did you?

The court also ruled that the couple’s 4-year-old daughter, Beatrice, should receive a “periodical payments order” of $70,000 per annum. On top of that, McCartney will pay for the child’s nanny and school fees.

Mills had sought almost $250 million, while McCartney had said she should receive $31.6 million, including her own assets, which the court assessed at $15.6 million.
Judge Hugh Bennett found that the total value of all of McCartney’s assets, including his business assets, was about $800 million. He said there was no evidence to support the widely published figure that was more than twice as much.

McCartney left the court without making any statement. His ex on the other hand, had a lot to say at an impromptu news conference following the decision.

“I’m so glad it’s over. It was an incredible result in the end to secure mine and my daughter’s future and that of all the charities that I obviously plan on helping and making a difference with — because you know it has been my life for 20 years,” she said.

“Obviously the court do not want a litigant in person to do well, it’s against everything that they ever wish, so when they write the judgment up they’re never going to make it look in favor. But all of you that have researched know that it was always going to be a figure between 20 and 30 million (pounds), Paul was offering a lot less than that, which you’ll see in the judgment, and very much last minute to put me and Beatrice sadly through this ... incredibly sad.”

Halle Berry’s new role: mommy

Halle Berry doesn’t just play a mom in movies anymore.
The 41-year-old actress gave birth to a baby girl Sunday and “is doing great,” her publicist Meredith O’Sullivan told People.com.

It’s a first child for both Berry and her boytoy, 32-year-old model Gabriel Aubry. The two met while shooting a Versace ad in Los Angeles two years ago. Like most of Hollywood’s new parents, Berry has said she and Aubry have no plans to marry, but are fully committed to each other.

The actress told Oprah Winfrey on her show last year that playing a mother in her latest movie, Things We Lost in the Fire helped convince her that motherhood was for her.

“I think it validated that I was meant to be a mother because every day I dealt with the character as a mother and thinking as a mother,” Berry said. “It let me know that I must be a mother.”

Spears pal order to stay away — again

Britney Spears’ hanger-on, Sam Lutfi, has agreed to stay away from the dethroned pop princess for at least another month, delaying a hearing that could have made a restraining order against him permanent.

Lutfi and conservators for the Spears estate agreed to have the restraining order extended for 30 days, Lutfi spokesman Michael Sands said Sunday.

“There is an agreement between Sam Lutfi and the conservatorship for the next 30 days,” Sands said. “Both parties are happy and will continue to work together to further resolve any issues that may have come up in the past.”

A Superior Court commissioner last month ordered Lutfi to stay 250 yards from Spears and her home.

Spears’ mother, Lynne, requested the order based on allegations that Lutfi — Spears’ frequent companion and sometime manager — had held the singer hostage in her own home, drugged her and taken over her finances.

Spears’ father, Jamie, was named one of two co-conservators of her estate after the singer was hospitalized twice in January. The conservatorship has been extended until July 31.

Hannah Montana is leaving destiny behind.

Miley Cyrus, whose given name is Destiny Hope Cyrus, has filed papers in Los Angeles Superior Court to change her full legal name to Miley Ray Cyrus.

The 15-year-old singer and TV star is the daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, who filed the papers last Friday with wife Leticia. Her father writes in the filing that the request was “to make her commonly used name the same as her legal name.”

The name-change request was first reported by the celebrity Web site TMZ.com.

Miley Cyrus has said her father gave her the nickname “Smiley Miley” as a baby because of her sunny disposition. On the Disney Channel tween hit “Hannah Montana,” she plays a teen who hides her singing stardom.

Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus are hosting the Country Music Television ceremony together at Nashville’s Belmont University on April 14.

Know what the local glitterati are up to? Send tips to rbriere@lowellsun.com

Sean “Diddy” Combs has denied a report by the "Los Angeles Times" that his associates were responsible for the 1994 robbery and shooting of Tupac Shakur at a New York recording studio, and that he knew about the attack in advance.

“The story is a lie,” the hip-hop mogul said in a statement Monday. “It is beyond ridiculous and completely false. Neither (the late rapper Notorious B.I.G.) nor I had any knowledge of any attack before, during or after it happened. ... I am shocked that the Los Angeles Times would be so irresponsible as to publish such a baseless and completely untrue story.”

The 1994 shooting triggered the celebrated feud between East and West Coast rappers that led to the killings of Shakur and B.I.G.

The Times said its story was based on FBI records, interviews with people at the scene of the 1994 shooting, and statements to the FBI by an informant. None of the sources were named. The story says associates hoping to curry favor with Combs — who was overseeing B.I.G.’s white-hot career at the time — lured Shakur to the studio because of his disrespect toward them.

The story said that talent manager James Rosemond and promoter James Sabatino arranged the assault. They and Combs declined to be interviewed for the story, which appeared on the Los Angeles Times Web site but not in its paper publication.

Rosemond called the story a “libelous piece of garbage.”

“In the past 14 years, I have not even been questioned by law enforcement with regard to the assault of Tupac Shakur, let alone brought up on charges,” he said in a statement. “Chuck Philips, the writer ... has reached a new low by employing fourth-hand information from desperate jailhouse informants along with ancient FBI reports to create this fabrication. I simply ask for all rap fans and fans of Tupac to analyze this fiction for what it is.”

What do you think? Was Diddy in on 2Pac's murder? Were 2Pac and Biggie's demise connected?

Joe Francis' time spent in jail was well worth it. A week after being released his next millions of dollars was handed to him by the former govenor of New York. Elliot Spitzer's call girl, Alexandra Dupre. She was captured on film for his soft porn industry, "Girls Gone Wild" a few year back celebrating her 18th birthday in Florida.

We knew that was coming!

What's next pictures of Dupre with Lindsay Lohan. Stay tuned.

The Chelsea Handler show at the Lowell Memorial Auditorium has been rescheduled from Saturday, March 29 to August 16 at 8 p.m. Tickets that were purchased for the March 29 show will be honored at the performance in August.

For those who are unable to attend the rescheduled show, refunds are available at the point of purchase.

Handler hosts her own TV show Chelsea Lately on E!. She is also the author of the books "My Horizontal Life" and "Are You There Vodka It's Me Chelsea?"

Upon many requests for a list of guys to avoid, here are my Top 10:

1. The Double-Dipper
At any gathering there are unwritten rules about taking a scoop from a shared bowl of guacamole. Same goes in the dating pool. When a man delves into the same circle of girls, it is like double-dipping into the French onion dip. They are bound to pick up something from the last one who had their hands in there and also leave a little behind. Dating a guy who hooked up with one or more of your friends, breeds jealousy, resentment and scorn. And there is no cream to cure that.

2. The Tom Brady
No matter what the defense is, leaving a longtime girlfriend who is carrying your child, for someone else is a personal foul. There are no challenges or replays to this penalty. On this one, it is time to hate the player and not the game.

3. The Free Spirit
Or as my father puts it — a bum. There is nothing wrong with being adventuresome if the man’s choice of venture is followed by capitalism. Living off the land is code for the three Cs: no car, no career and no cares. Money isn’t everything, but when it buys his love for you then there is nothing free about him.

4. The Bitterati
This is the man who is “bitter” toward the glitterati. No matter who they are pols, movie stars, athletes, even reality TV rejects, he cannot get over how he has to work for “the man” and they get everything handed to them. Come to think of it, anyone who refers to “the man” is not one.

5. The MySpace John
There are a lot of things that can go wrong with a man over 25, who is not a musician, promoter or artist that maintains a MySpace profile. One can tell if he is dateable by his top friends. If the first 16 are littered with Glamourtini, Ginger, Crystal, Cinnamon, Bunny, Client 9, or any other generic pole-climber’s name, it is time to hit delete on this guy.

6. The Mama’s Boy
Eeeeek! It is reassuring if a man has a great relationship with his mother and sisters. These men tend to be respectful toward women in general. We’re not talking about the normal call mom up on Sunday afternoon to chat boyfriend. We are talking about the one whose “mommy” stocks his fridge every week with Tupperware filled with homemade meals, complete with the directions and expiration dates taped to the outside. The “boy” whose mother washes, dries and folds his laundry for him is who we’re talking about. Eventually you will become a lesser version of his mother and never live up to his expectations.

7. Mr. Perfect
If he is too good to be true, than he is probably married, in the closet, a serial killer or a deadbeat dad. Move on.

8. The Texter
He flirts with you through text messages all day. Asks you to meet him “4 drnks @ 7.” His Blackberry never leaves the palm of his hand, yet he never picks up when you call. If his only form of communication with you is through poor English, it’s time to press end on this guy.

9. The Tainted Lover
If his last gal pal left him for someone else, specifically another woman, this leads to insecurities and jealousy issues. There can be times when he is envious of your best girlfriends. But the main concern is why would his ex switch teams midseason?

10. The Sticky Suitor
If he is more clingy than a cheap polyester blend sweater, it’s time to buy this guy a one-way ticket out of your life. Clingons belong on another planet, not in your world.

Have you meet any of these men? Are you sleeping next to one? Send your pleas for help to lowellita@lowellsun.com and I’ll see what I can do.

The always classy Mickey Rourke pleaded guilty to reckless driving following his arrest on a Vespa near Miami Beach in November.

The actor was pulled over while driving a blue-green scooter with a blonde babe on the back. When Rourke was cuffed, he allegedly swore at the arresting officer. Thursday was no different, Rourke told The Palm Beach Post, “I’m friends with most cops in the city and they told me the guy who got me isn’t even liked by his colleagues. He’s a 400-pound (expletive) unfit for duty.”

Rourke was sentenced to six months of probation, ordered to pay a fine and serve 50 hours of community service. Instead of serving the time, he was allowed to buy the hours at $10 per hour so he wouldn't have to serve.

“The only thing he has to do is take an online driving course,” said his lawyer, Michael Grieco.

When the Post reporter asked who the mystery blonde was with him the night he was arrested Rourke said, “Don't ask me her name. I have no idea who she was. I met her in a bar and never saw her again.”

British singer’s husband dead

The husband of Grammy-nominated British soul singer Corinne Bailey Rae has been found dead.

Police say, saxophone player, Jason Rae, 31, was found in an apartment in the northern

English city of Leeds on Saturday. Officers are awaiting results of toxicology tests to determine the cause of death.

A 32-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of supplying him with drugs, but has been released on bail, officials said.

Jason Rae played the sax in the funk band, the Haggis Horns.
Bailey Rae’s self-titled debut album sold more than 1 million copies in the U.S. after its release in 2006.

The 29-year-old was nominated for song of the year at the Grammy Awards in both 2007 and 2008.

Sorry Miss Jackson, I am for real.

The Jackson family has hit some hard times according to the New York Post. The Big Apple tab is reporting that they are broke and some are still living with their parents.

The most famous of the Jacksons, Michael, is on the verge of losing Neverland ranch as well as the family’s Encino, Calif., home. He is currently hiding out in Las Vegas.

Marlon stocks shelves at a Vons supermarket in San Diego, and had to temporarily move into an extended-stay hotel with his wife.

Tito formed a band and plays at small gigs for $500 to $1,500.

Randy does odd jobs for income. He acted as Michael’s business manager during the 2005 molestation trial, but ran into problems with friends after he persuaded three people to take out lines of credits against their homes to help Michael pay his attorney fees. They were never reimbursed.

Jackie had a failed Internet clothing business that left him living at home with his parents.

Jermaine splits time between the parents home and his girlfriend’s home. He has more than $5 million in federal, state and other liens against him and a 1995 bankruptcy filing. He does not work and is still involved in a messy, protracted divorce.

The women of the Jackson family are a different story. Janet just released a new album and bought her mother a Vegas home in anticipation of losing the family’s mansion to foreclosure.

La Toya earns a living mostly in Europe judging beauty and singing contests. She lives with a wealthy boyfriend in Beverly Hills and has little contact with her siblings.

Rebbie married successful businessman Nathaniel Brown.

Sounds like this would make a great episode of VH1’s “Behind the Music.”

No cameras, please

Pamela Anderson’s estranged husband Rick Salomon, has filed his own annulment suit to dissolve their five-month marriage, only eight weeks of which they were together. His wife filed for annulment last month.

They say great minds think alike. Both Anderson and Salomon claim fraud as reason for their split. They are also stars of two of the most famous at-home sex tapes. The Baywatch babe taped some intimate moments on a boat with then hubby drummer Tommy Lee and Salomon, 40, appeared in a sex tape with heiress Paris Hilton. He was also previously married to former “Beverly Hills, 90210” actress Shannen Doherty.

In December Anderson, wrote on her web site that the couple were “working things out”. However, she also filed for divorce that month.

Third time was no charm for Anderson, who besides Salomon and Lee was married to Kid Rock.

A man charged with stalking Tyra Banks has been ordered to stay away from the talk-show host or face going to jail.

Brady Green, according to a criminal complaint, has followed Banks from coast to coast since January, sent her letters and flowers, and tried to telephone her. Last week he was issued a court order requiring him to leave her alone.

Green, of Dublin, Ga., was arrested when he showed up several times March 18 at the Manhattan building where The Tyra Banks Show is taped and asked to speak to her, a misdemeanor complaint filed in Criminal Court says.

Banks also hosts the CW reality show America’s Next Top Model.

The complaint says building custodian Edward Troiano told police Green also had appeared at Banks’ Los Angeles studio “on multiple occasions” and asked to speak to her. He said Green had sent her letters and flowers there and had tried to reach her there by telephone at least five times, the complaint says.

Banks, 34, told police that Green’s actions had caused her to fear that she was in danger.
Police charged Green, 37, with stalking, criminal trespass and harassment. After his arraignment last Wednesday on the charges, Criminal Court Judge Anthony Ferrara released him without bail and ordered him to return to court May 13. Prosecutors said they did not have an address for Green, who likely could face up to a year in jail if convicted.

A casting call for This Side of the Truth, the Hollywood film being shot in Lowell next month, takes place Saturday at 92 Bolt St., from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. The film's extra casting director Marisa Kushner is looking for 1,000 people from the area to appear in the film. A portion of the background roles will go to members of the Screen Actor's Guild, but "we want people who live in the area to be in it," she said.

Those interested should go to http://www.truthextras.com and fill out a sizecard. Bring an unreturnable photo to the call.

Spring is like the light at the end of the tunnel. You can see it, you know it is getting closer, but it still seems so far away. This time of year in Lowell ushers in rain, daffodils sprouting from cracks in the pavement and long lines at the car wash on Middlesex Street.

Side effects of warmer temperatures and stronger doses of vitamin D brought on by the sun may create feelings of euphoria and cause laugh lines. It may also cause you to neglect your MySpace account, going without an update for a more than five hours. This will gradually increase as the mercury rises.

The sunny season’s side effects also bring the return of evenings of patio partying at The Courtyard and an overabundance of mukluks on the clearance racks. Can anyone tell me when these furry boots will move toward the light to their final resting place?

The crisp coolness of Sammy’s Summer Ale replaces heavy winter lagers and finally the fruit at the grocery store doesn’t look like it came from a Third World nation. Ah spring, what a lovely thing.

But the main attraction, as the days get longer and the nights get shorter, is not opening day at Fenway — though that may be at the top of everyone’s list, it is the kickoff of mating season for all mammals. And I am not talking about those pesky Acre alley cats howling all night long.

This means the dating season has officially commenced in downtown.

Within the boundaries of the cobblestone-lined streets is a hunting ground. Though some may attempt to stray outside the mill barriers, most stream into this area looking for their potential prey. For those who have been suffering from hook-up hibernation, this is the most exciting time of the year.

Men shed their winter facial hair and show off their new physique that it took since September to transform. Women also do some shedding — of clothing that is. Tank tops, skirts and bare legs return in their full glory. From the lines of bare legs at the Brewery Exchange all winter long, one could argue that we reside in the other L.A. Jean skirts in February are tacky, ladies, even if you fake sun it all year round or are a Pussycat Doll.

The issue at hand is that after such a bleak, boring and bitter five months, many of us need a refresher on our socializing skills. Here are some pickup pointers for all those lacking in self-promotion proficiency.

First off, if you want someone to take interest in you, insulting them — even if it’s a joke — is not the way to go. The dating scene is not grammar school, when kicking your crush in the crotch or putting gum in their hair is flirting.

Also, never snap, wave or call out “Hey you‚” from across the bar. Wait staff are not too keen on this tactic and neither are women.

Finally, offering to buy someone a drink is not a proposition to perform unnatural acts. Ordering a sex on the beach does not mean it will lead that way. And if they order that cheesy cocktail, whether they’re male or female, you may want to call the night a wash and head home.

What are your pickup pointers? E-mail lowellita@lowellsun.com

MTV's "Hills" starlet, Audrina Patridge, will be at The Estate in Boston this Saturday night.

Don't know which vapid party girl Audrina is on the MTV docu-drama? Here's a hint — she's the brunette.

Doors open at One Bolyston Street at 9 p.m., Audrina is slated to arrive at 11 p.m. and a Sheiki Jeans fashion show is scheduled at midnight.

The humor-impaired media mockers at the Web site Gawker are trying to stir trouble between actor and producer Ricky Gervais and The Sun.

You’ll remember that Gervais read The Daily Dish aloud on a video on the blog for his movie, This Side of Truth, which begins filming in the Mill City in April. Gawker says Gervais was “vaguely threatening” when he wisecracked about a gaffe that appeared. When The Dish replied that we can’t wait for shooting to start, the Web site’s faux journalists took that to mean we were “either threatening a Page Six-style vendetta against Gervais, complete with journalistic sniping, or the paper is just continuing to turn out the same type of writing the movie star had so much fun lampooning in the first place.”

Well, the joke’s on them. We like Ricky, and he likes us, too. The British actor, famous for the across-the-pond original version of The Office wrote:

“Some rival New England news outlets are trying to stir up trouble between me and the good people at the Lowell Sun.

These miscreants, who shall remain nameless, suggested that I insulted the local Lowell tabloid and that the editor replied with a threat to have me whacked.

May I point out that we were BOTH JOKING.

And to the Lowell Sun, don’t listen to them. I’ll give you an exclusive before we move out of your lovely parish.”

The flick that stars Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, Tina Fey, Jason Bateman and Christopher Guest.

A jury in the Bahamas investigating the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son Daniel has ruled it was caused by an accidental drug overdose, recommending no criminal charges be filed.

The jury unanimously concluded Daniel died from "non-dependent drug use" -- meaning he wasn't addicted to what killed him.

Rumor was that his mother's lawyer/boyfriend gave him a lethal dose of whatever drugs killed him. Howard K Stern will be cleared of any wrong doing.