Nothing. That is what comes to mind when I sat down this week to write my column. I have started this week’s drek about a dozen different ways and have not gotten down more than two sentences. Some of the time I can’t even get to the period at the end before hitting delete.

I was going to write about my newly single friend. Lots of tales there. As I began I was not confident, that the piece would make it past the editing stage. I also was not sure that she would be my friend anymore come Friday morning.

I hit delete.

Another half an hour in the blogosphere and still no ideas were jumping out at me. One member of the bloggerati compared a trip to the zoo to porno, I didn’t see the connection and after reading it I still don’t see it. Maybe it’s because I have not been to a zoo since my fifth grade field trip. Notice how I didn’t say I haven’t watched a porno lately.

Should have hit delete there, but I just spilled my coffee and the key is not working properly so it made it in.

Then there is always the great discussions I have with my cubicle cronies. Today it was a debate over decaffeinated coffee. Should there actually be such a thing? Why do people even drink it? To me, coffee tastes like mud and gives you bad breath. The only benefit from drinking it is to stay awake while at work and suppress a hangover. No caffeine — no point. Just like there is no point in dedicating an entire column to decafe coffee.

I hit the backspace key.

With my work day 75 percent over and a deadline looming I began to brainstorm, bite my nails, curse and panic. I do have a lot of ideas, some are not that simple to translate into 500 words. Others just don’t make the PG-13 rating of this paper. Like the one about my gal pal’s boyfriend’s dog who watches them in the bedroom. Yes, I am talking about that and I am surprised if this tidbit even makes it in.

I deleted the rest of the details.

Still a blank screen with a mocking flashing cursor and a headache.

There have been a couple of messy breakups in my clique in the last couple of weeks. That usually is good for inspiration. Both were the dumpee instead of the dumper. Not really sure they would appreciate my spilling their heartbreak horror stories with Greater Lowell.
That story got trashed.

I could talk about the similarities between Miley Cyrus and a pre-K-Fed Britney Spears. Too obvious. I didn’t even begin to write that one.

It is now the end of my day. Still nothing. I was just paid for a day with zero productivity, but I feel like I did a lot more than just nothing.

Is there really such a thing as nothing? E-mail your answers to lowellita@lowellsun.com.