I am 0 for 25. That is almost a worse record than the Spears siblings’ attempts not to get pregnant. Not that I think they even try. Are they not from Louisiana? Isn’t there such a thing as a southern belle anymore?

This pathetic showing on my part is not my attempt at trying to convince my boss to give me a raise — that would be a much poorer record. I am talking about the impossible feat of keeping a New Year’s resolution.

Last year, my New Year’s resolution was to not have a New Year’s resolution. It worked. So let me retract what I previously stated, now I can claim to have at least one win — like the Miami Dolphins. One for 25, that is not too shabby — better than Pamela Anderson’s chances of staying married longer than Michael Vick’s sentence.

Resolutions aside, New Year’s Eve is the ultimate amateur night, it blows both St. Patty’s Day and Thanksgiving Eve out of the water-downed cocktails that are served. Every December I try to convince myself and my friends that I am going to be staying on my couch with good ol’ Dick Clark. Never seems to happen. I end up waking up the next afternoon looking and feeling like Amy Winehouse after she received a late Christmas present from her dealer. My hair smells like it was washed with a cigarette ashes and Ice House-scented shampoo and there is confetti in places that even Britney Spears would be shocked to find.

Every year about this time people start making promises that they can never keep. It is not just me. I wonder what the divorce rate is for couples that are wed on New Year’s Eve? Not that it is better any other day of the calendar year.

When my morning migraine disappears on Tuesday, I will reflect upon 2007. Some things will come to mind. Television reruns, celebrity relapses and Rihanna’s “Umbrella” ella, ella, eh, eh! Actually those are things I would like to forget. The year 2007 will unfortunately go down as the year that Britney went berzerk, the Spice Girls reunited, Paris Hilton did a stint in the slammer and a MySpace-produced prostitute found her better half.

See ya 2007, we hardly even knew ya! And just maybe that is better.

Have any predictions for 2008? E-mail them to lowellita@lowellsun.com.