It’s almost over. In less than a week we can let out a giant collective sigh. No more will our commutes be subjected to overdone pop versions of Christmas carols. Will someone tell Beyoncé to please leave the boughs of holly alone and stick with singing about booty-loving boyfriends?
The holidays are almost in the past — ah.
We can now end all the political correctness and go back to being our crass selves. Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas; ho, ho, ho or ha, ha, ha; a holiday tree or a Christmas tree — who cares? I am more tired of this bah-humbug banter than the daily video of Britney Spears going to Starbucks. It’s a waste of time.
No longer will I have to endure water-cooler debates about the myth that Xmas was created by those ungodly liberals in order to take the true meaning of Christmas away. No, more like my lazy liberal self would rather write the abbreviated version out on the 80 or so cards I am sending out.
By the way, can we stop with blaming all the liberals for the world’s anguish already? At least for the holidays.
In six more days, there will be no more airing of the mindless made-for-TV Christmas movies that star 90210 alums who find themselves trapped in a small town where Santa Claus has been banned by an Ebenezer Scrooge-like mayor and Della Reese plays an angel moonlighting as a penny candy store owner. If the writers were not already on strike, I would suggest the network fire those responsible for these atrocious two-hour specials.
Next week will mark the end of awkward run-ins with co-workers, who hand you a present and stand there expecting one back when it’s all you can do to muster up a thank you as you sink lower into your cubicle. What do they expect? For you to give them a gift with a card saying,
“Hey, thanks for using all of the fat-free cream I left in the office fridge and never replacing it, stealing my fancy felt-tip pens and asking me in front of the boss what I bought at the mall when you saw me there on the day I called in sick. Merry X-mas!”
In less than a week, there will be no more articles in the paper about stolen plastic Santas. What, are pink flamingos and gnomes second-class citizens of the lawn ornament world? Or are they just too tacky for people to pilfer from front yards?
The holidays are turning Lowellita into Scrooge. Anyone else with bah-humbugs send them to lowellita@lowellsun.com.