It is time to turn the tables. Instead of myself poking and prying into the private lives of you then airing all the dirty laundry in this column of my associates, and it smells worse than Tom Brady’s socks on Sunday, it is now time for my readers to delve into the life of Lowellita. I am flattered that I get more e-mails from my Lowellita Loyalists than Britney Spears gets summoned into court. Hit me with your best shot, guys, because I have not been socially stumped yet.

Lowellita, we have our harvest dance right around the corner. I was wondering if you would like to be my date? You would have to buy the tickets though, as I recently was fired from my job delivering pizzas. — Broke Bobby from Billerica Memorial High School.

Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, no need to worry about being unemployed at such a tender young age. Look at K-Fed, he is probably 10 years your senior and lives off a woman. In his case, delivering a few pies would be a vast improvement. I am flattered that you would think of me to attend this high school harvest ho-down, but I will have to pass. You see, the whole Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher relationship seems more outlandish than the fact that Paris Hilton gave up partying for praying.

I am so sad to hear that Britney Spears will not regain custody of her children. Do you think the judge is a Christina Aguilera fan? — Betty the Britney lover from Lowell.

Dear Betty, Please do not have any children yourself. Sincerely, Lowellita.

With the cold weather on its way, should a fabulous and fashionable female sport a fur frock this winter? — Carnivorous Cathy from Chelmsford
Well Cathy, I think you may be safe from a PETA paint attack in the ‘burbs of Massachusetts, but one never knows if they are hiding in the rose bushes of your front yard when you leave for work — wait, I mean to go on a play date with the Joneses. I do think that wearing an animal skin is a bit pretentious, but you do live in Chelmsford. Practice the duck and dodge move in the mirror a few times before leaving your Garrison, you wouldn’t want to get any red paint on your Dooney.

If you and I were going on a first date, what would seal the deal for a second one? — Wondering Walter from Westford.
Well, Walter, I don’t think I would ever date a Walter, especially from Westford. All kidding aside, if you even utter the words: my ex, frat, Playstation 2, stripper, or barefoot and pregnant in the same breath, that first date would not even make it through the entrées.

How do you let one of your best friends know that her new boyfriend is a tool? — Deidra with a dilemma in Dracut.
Ooooh, that is a tough one, Deidra. That is worse than telling someone that they got a bad haircut. Well, maybe not. Your best bet is to just hope that she eventually grows out of him like her hair will. If she has a bogus beau and a horrible haircut, then I would dump her and find a new gal pal.

Try to stump Lowellita by e-mailing your questions to lowellita@lowellsun.com.

At least we know that Paris HIlton has a sense of humor! The convict heiress was photographed at LAX partying it up for Halloween.

If she wore that in jail, I am positive the guards would not have wanted the judge to grant her an early release

Come on Jennifer! If you do not announce your pregnancy soon, some are just going to think you have no self control and can not lay off the rice and beans.

Everyone including Marc Anthony's ex-wife and Lopez's mother have confirmed her pregnancy, except the Puerto Rican mama herself.

Christina Aguilera, who has also kept her pregnancy mum recently said she is due around New Years.

Lynne Spears, mother of pop train wreck Britney Spears is feeling guilty about everything that is happening in her daughter's life. Mama Spears who is working on of all things a parenting book, told the New York Post that she is at fault for Brit's recent troubles.

"For everything that's gone wrong for Britney, I blame myself," said Lynne. "I didn't raise my children to have Hollywood careers. This all just exploded in my face, and big dreams became big headaches."

It is strange that Lynne would come out and say such things. She seemed to side with Kevin Federline in the custody battle and Brit even told her to stay away from her two sons. Of course this is all Hollywood gossip.

I went to court on Monday. Save the snide remarks, I was not booked for indecent exposure. You’re looking at someone with a clean record, or the fortune of never getting caught in the act. Call me O.J. On second thought, don’t. I was there to fulfill my civic obligation — jury duty.

I am one of the fortunate few including J-Lo, Brad Pitt and Oprah, who had the privilege of being part of the fair and balanced judicial process of this country in 2007. Are you spotting the sarcasm yet?

This was my first taste of Lowell court and hopefully my last. I was to report at 8 a.m. sharp. At that hour I am usually still dreaming about Tom Brady with nothing but his pads on. Abandoning my football fantasy I headed to my downtown destination. Two loops of one-ways later, I finally located an empty spot in the metered parking lot across the street.

After setting off the security gate more than a dozen times, the guard gave up and let me through anyway. I filled out a questionnaire that asked me just about everything except whether I was a terrorist. Wait a minute, that was part of the true or false section. I left it blank.
The court officer informs us that the city doesn’t allow anyone reporting for jury duty to park where I did. Myself and about a dozen others were instructed to move our cars a few blocks away to South Street. It would have been nice if that was posted before I dropped $2 worth of quarters into the meter.

At my new parking location, I was greeted by a homeless hippie. I thought he was the lot attendant until he began screaming at the pigeons about how a Smurf swiped his blueberry muffin earlier. If I still had those eight quarters I just pumped in the meter, I would have bought him another muffin and a coffee too.

Trying to make him laugh, I told him it must of been Papa Smurf who stole his muffin to feed the rest of the Smurfs since Smurfette is anyone but Martha Stewart when it comes to cooking. I think I may have confused him more than he already was, if that was possible because he started to bark.

Walking back to the court house, I began to wonder if he would think my collection of Britney Spears albums in my back seat were worth anything. The homeless man, and I am presuming he was since he looked as if he had been wearing the same clothes since Brit was dating Justin Timberlake, was better dressed than myself. You see, my trick was to look as disheveled as possible in hopes they would take one look at me and send me home. That plan backfired right when I walked in the door and saw the rest of the jury pool. I should have started talking about Smurfs and muffins. That guy had the gig down. I am almost positive he has never served on a jury.

Settling into a seat in a cramped room with no windows, the lady to my left pulls out a Walkman. At first I thought it was George Carlin stand-up, but as I listened more carefully, it was a self help audio book. For the next five hours, I learned how to tell the “aggressor” in a relationship that it is not your fault and that love is a gift. I kept thinking I was in an episode of Seinfeld and was about to pull a Costanza.

It was my own fault. I am not one to shirk my duties, but last week I thought about postponing. I Googled “getting out of jury duty,” and fetched more than 1,780,000 hits in .28 seconds. There was a guide named, “How to Get Out of Jury Duty and Be a Hero for it” and CNN called dodging the duty a “national pastime.” To encourage people to attend in Florida, the judicial system plastered Harrison Ford on billboards as a spokesperson. I am assuming the subliminal message is you should feel lucky to serve ... punk.

I could have listened to my friends for once. They suggested I pretend to be prejudiced. I didn’t want my fellow jurors to think I’m an insensitive racist. But this was not a jury of my peers. Looking around the room of 50 people there was one young Spanish woman and a 20-something man of Middle Eastern descent. The room resembled a meeting to block the Home Depot in Billerica, not an inner-city court room. The defendant would take one look at the jury and think it would be more discouraging than working the valet at a Family First fundraiser where Ann Coulter is the guest speaker. No tips that evening.

I told the judge this when he asked me if I harbor any prejudice. As you can imagine I was sent home, but at least no one will think I have white sheets hanging in my closet next to my BCBG dress.

The city can send my $2 to 491 Dutton St. Others can e-mail lowellita@lowellsun.com.

So Fabio is still kicking around and now he is throwing some punches. The butter slinger and every nursing home resident's dream guy got in a scuffle at a Los Angeles restaurant last night with actor George Clooney. Yes that is right.

A group of ladies won a dinner at Madeo's with Fabio, no word yet why this was a prize, and Clooney was noshing at the next table over. When the gaggle of ladies began taking photos of Fabio, Clooney flipped them the bird thinking they were taking pics of him. Which they probably were. Fabio then confronted Georgie and the two began a shoving match. Wait staff had to intervene and separate the duo.

Too many egos in a too small space I presume.

Even though we love Mr. Clooney, our money is on Fabio. We think he could take Georgie.

I discovered last night through a MySpace posting that Rusty G's has closed its doors for good. Though not within the main epicenter of downtown Lowell's scene, The G spot became one of the area's premiere places for music.

With an elaborate sound system, great acoustics and enough open space for revelers, Rusty G's closure will surely be felt by many area musicans and fans. Many bands that I have interviewed named Rusty's as their favorite place to play in the are. It also gave life to a section of the city that is considered hostile and downtrodden.

Does anyone have an info about why the hot spot shut its doors? Their MySpace and web site has nothing up on it.

RIP Rusty's, where many memories were made in the early morning hours.

We here in Lowell have rounded the bases with many baseball players. Johnny Damon (curse his soul) used to get his locks cut here at Inizio's Spa. That was until he joined the Evil Empire and underwent the Commie makeover where everyone looks the same. Then Kevin Youkilis used to kick dirt around LeLacheur Park as a Spinner before he was "Yooooouuuuuuuuu". And I guess that A-Rod's wife is from Lowell and still has family here. Not that it really matters unless of course he does join the BoSox.

Well, now we will be blessed with Jonathan Papelbon. The I look like I am drunk but I am sober Irish jig dancing pitching ace will attend the Lowell Spinner's Alumni Dinner at the DoubleTree on November 30.

If we can get him to put a box on his head and wear the kilt I think we will have pictures to bribe Papelbon for life.

p.s. Gabe "The Babe" Kapler ('member him?) will also be there.

Taken some photos while having a few brews at O'Hara's in Dracut or sipping martinis at the swank bar at Centro's in Downtown Lowell? Even if it is a tailgate party at the Pats game on Sunday with locals we want your photos!

Send along your Makin' The Scene pictures to rbriere@lowellsun.com. If they are good quality and people can be indentified, we may run them in our Steppin' Out section on Thursdays.

Everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame...right?!?!?

It's dangerous! That was the feeling last night when the power went out at The Old Court in Downtown Lowell. For a brief time, the Irish watering hole went dark with its patrons still inside. From what I hear there was some Tom-foolery as people tried to steal kisses from some lucky ladies in the cloak of darkness and vice versa.

Sounds romantic! Anyone have a tale to share?

We are looking for the most stylish Greater Lowellians. If you are one (you're so vain) or know one, we want to know.

Steppin' Out is working on finding the best dressed people in the 978 for an upcoming issue. They can be public or private figures. The local politico or the coffee barista. E-mail nominations to rbriere@lowellsun.com

Fall Out Boy was in town last night playing at the Tsongas Arena with GYM CLASS HEROES and Plain White T's. Anyone go? It was a sold out show, so I am assume at least one person that glances at this blog attended.

The always angst Pete Wentz is known to bar hop and bring his gal pal Ashlee Simpson along with him. From my spies on the streets, I have not heard of any AshWentz Day sightings. Do share if you spotted him or any of the Boys out.

Someone mentioned that Red Sox pitching ace Jonathan Papelbon was at the Brewery Exchange in Lowell last night sharing brews with some of his former Lowell Spinners. Is there anyone out there that can attest to this?

WE WANT PICS!

It looks good for those of us whose fridge only holds condiments and a week old Moo Shu pork. Boston was ranked 6th in the nation's top 10 single cities in America, sandwiched between Wahsington D.C. and Miami.

Pretty good postion.

The study says that of the 4,032,484 chowdah heads, 37 percent of them have no significant other. So there are 508,658 eligible bachelors and bachelorettes floating about ready to share that Chinese take out.

Anyone want to hop on the 7:20 p.m. train from Lowell to Boston?

The other music channel, VH1, filmed parts of their Top 20 Music Video Countdown at the Tsongas Arena in Lowell last Friday.

The channel’s staff was on hand as the angst filled 20-something chart toppers, Fall Out Boy, made a stop on their The Young Wild Things Tour at the downtown venue. Staff and the host, Alison Becker, arrived in Lowell on Thursday. On Friday, she shadowed the band for the day attending the meet and greets and chilled in their dressing rooms before the band took the
stage.

It was a sold out crowd of 7200. Anyone out there get interviewed by Becker?
According to the arena’s general manager, Craig Gates, the VJ mingled with fans in the crowd filming plenty B-Roll.

“We made sure they had full access to back stage and everything,” said Gates.

The episode will also rerun on Sunday, Nov. 18 at 9 a.m. and Tuesday, Nov. 20 at 8 a.m. Based out of Manhattan, N.Y., VH1 travels to locations around the country in order to interview the “it” band or artist.

“Lowell was the most convenient stop for us on the Fall Out Boy tour,” explained Paul Sansone, a production associate for the program.

This is the second time that the Tsongas Arena has been a TV star. MTV was there filming for their reality show "Newlyweds". That was when Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson were newly weds and still married. The pair were performing at the annual Kiss 108 Jingle Ball.

We are looking for the David and Victoria Beckham of Greater Lowell. And you don't have to be married. You don't even have to be a couple or know how to kick the soccer ball. You just have to have a fashion sense.

Steppin' Out is looking for the area's best dressed residents. If you are one or know one please e-mail rbriere@lowellsun.com.

Everyone loves a DISCOUNT!!!!!!

Today's print Lowell Sun featured an article about Truejeans.com. This web site eliminates the dressing room and finds the perfect pair of jeans to fit your body type.

Lowell Sun readers who log on and purchase a pair of jeans can get 15% off now thru Dec. 31, 2007 by entering THESUN in the promotional code area.

Check it out! True Jeans

Calling all Lowell Area paparazzo! We are looking for pics of locals on the scene, making a scene and being scene.

Spot City Manager Bernie Lynch leaving Cobblestones after dinner and drinks. Snap him!

See boxing great Micky Ward taking an late afternoon jog through the Highlands. Snap him!

Scope out Congress woman Nikki Tsongas having a pedicure. Snap her!

Have your cameras ready at all times. If you see any of Greater Lowell's prominent figures out and about get a pic and send it to rbriere@lowellsun.com

People magazine just named actor Matt Damon this year's sexiest man alive. Even though he is very handsome and from Boston, I just don't see it.

And neither does Damon. In the magazine that hits stands on Friday the 37-year-old writes:

“You gave an aging suburban dad the ego boost of a lifetime.”

I do not argue that Damon should have made the list but top honors? What about Geroge Clooney, Justin Timberlake or Matthew McConaughey?!?!

Who do you think should of won?

Ring, ring, ring. (Insert your ring tone here)

Hello?

What’cha doing?

Nothing.

That by far is the most popular answer among the names in my phone book. Besides that, I have been nauseated by their other responses.

I dialed up my buddy to whine about the lack of intelligence possessed by the local coffee-slinger. It never ceases to amaze me that a medium French vanilla with a little bit of cream and two Splendas can cause so much confusion.

We are living in a society where too much information is never too much information. Instead of bursting into a rant about my caffeine crisis, I made the mistake of first asking my friend at the opposite end of the line what she was doing. Her answer: She was at a doctor’s appointment, in the middle of a breast exam.

Hold the phone. Instantaneous loss for words. Way too much information.

This was not the first incident of indecent disclosure. I have friends who proceed to tell me they are on the toilet while talking to me about where we should go for a bite to eat. Some relatives (I’m not letting you guys off the hook either) have asked me to hold on while they gurgle in the dentist chair.

Is there such a thing as censorship or even dignity anymore?

In a world where going commando and then getting caught exiting a car is headline news, the human law of personal privacy does not apply. I mean, is it necessary to know how many ounces of fat was sucked out of a rap superstar’s mother before she died from complications of cosmetic surgery? That is just in poor taste. What is worse is that if Britney Spears orders a chalupa for lunch at Taco Bell it comes over on my Google Alert as breaking news.

Sites like, You Tube, have changed the private lives of private citizens forever. Even celebrities had a private life once. They did, I am not lying here. Ever see a choppy video of Marilyn Monroe buying celery at the grocery store? Didn’t think so. How about Britney? Exactly.

No one knew that David Hasselhoff ate like a pig at the troth when he had a few drinks. Remember that horrifying video? I don’t know what’s worse, Baywatch or the infamous binge.
I could blame our biggest scape goat, Hollywood, for my friends’ and family’s lack of discretion when answering their cells. Or maybe it’s rap music, MTV, baggy pants, Hillary Clinton or tattoos.

Or maybe it is just us.

Hold all my calls and send e-mails to lowellita@lowellsun.com.

Media whore, Dane Cook, was on a Boston radio station this morning promoting his show at the Garden this weekend and tried his best (like always) to get cheap laughs. Cook was speaking with the morning talk show host and claimed that he has a hard time getting some lady loving. The host told him that they would make sure to have a hooker for him in the studio. Dane's response"

"As long as she is from Lowell."

Well here is a shocker for ya Mr. Arlington bred boy, you're not funny. You jumped the shark long before those over played baseball commmercials...try "Employee of the Month".

Hey, well at least we know you like high class hookers.

Local blog reader, Gail Witham, sent us a photo of herself when she bumped into news anchors, David Wade and his wife Bianca de la Garza at the Dunkin' Donuts on Route 38 in Lowell last week.

Witham asked if it would be o.k. for her to take a picture of the news couple and Wade insisted she jump in.

"They were so nice about the whole thing," Whitham wrote in an e-mail.

Sometimes it is difficult to come up with a topic for this column each week. The space I am allotted every Thursday is one of the last things in the section to be filled. Who am I kidding?
It is the final thing to be placed, much to the chagrin of my editors. They spend a lot of time biting their nails and praying I haven’t gone overboard this time.

It can be a struggle to try to write clever, witty and edgy on deadline. Something that everyone from Raytheon retirees to freshmen at UMass Lowell can relate to, laugh at and talk about with their families at supper. Not that everything in here is appropriate for the dinner table.

Then there are my family and friends, who have taken the brunt of this thing I call Lowellita. Their dating disasters, boyfriend blunders and fashion faux pas have made great column fodder for the past three years. When my gal pals are grumbling about the pros and cons of dating someone at work, someone always says: “You better shut up or you’ll end up in the paper.”

It may be at their expense, but they do benefit by getting a comped round of drinks or VIP access to concerts at the Tsongas Arena. There is a give and a take with any friendship, and you all seem to make out better than I do.

My father has given up completely. He’s told me many times that he reads the first sentence and is too scared to go any further. My writing gives him a headache. You can see where my knack for humor comes from.

When I began this column, I was going to write a tongue-and-cheek blurb about things I am thankful for. For example, did anyone know there’s such a thing as bacon salt? And it is calorie-free? I am thankful for the college-educated stoner still sleeping on a futon in his mother’s basement who invented such a blessed thing.

Don’t laugh. He’ll be filthy rich someday and remember me plugging his artery clogging delicacy. Next I’ll be sprinkling bacon salt on our $50,000 wedding cake.

Even though pig-flavored sodium is a splendid thing to give thanks for, I realized, half-way through writing this, that I would not be writing word one if not for my patient editors, the drama-filled lives of my friends and the sarcasm I inherited from my family.

Yes, I am thankful that the skinny jean was in style for only about 15 minutes and that Paris Hilton has fallen off the paparazzi radar (See what happens when you start wearing panties? Take note Britney.), but I am truly thankful for all the people who make my life interesting enough to read about in the paper every Thursday.

Have a safe, happy Thanksgiving and don’t do anything Lowellita wouldn’t do. E-mail lowellita@lowellsun.com.

Tonight is THE biggest drinking day of the year. Even though we all want to go out and pre-game for the dreaded yearly gathering of family in the morning, be safe and remember to have a DD. And I don't mean to fuel up at Dunkin's with a pumpkin latte beforehand. Though that is a good idea.

This evening both Major's Pub on Jackson Street and Molly Kay's on Middlesex Street will be hosting super-sized Thanksgiving Eve extravaganzas! Send your pics to rbriere@lowellsun.com and you could be in our Makin' The Scene in Steppin' Out next Thursday!

Without sounding too much like an ad for Captain Morgan's, remember to always drink responsibly. See you in the heated tent!

Think of it like a major trunk sale! I have inside information that Jessica Lynn Boutique on Route 40 in Groton will be closing up shop on December 31. The hippiest store surburbia has ever seen, is going to reopen closer to Boston.

The owner has slashed prices by 25 to 60%!!!!!!! Time to finally splurge on those Citizens for Humanity Jeans you always wanted.

Jessica Lynn, the Mill Run Plaza, 493 Main St., Suite F, Groton.
Click here to check out the inventory!

Anyone go out in Greater Lowell on Wednesday night? Who am I kidding? From the looks of the lines outside of every watering hole in a three mile radius on Thanksgiving Eve it seemed like there were more people out in Lowell than the population who thinks O.J. Simpson is guilty.

I first attempted to get into the Brewery Exchange. Bad idea. Both parking lots that patrons are usually allowed to park in were roped off. Why? I have no idea. This caused commotion as many cars circled the vehicle lined streets and 20-somethings dodge in and out of traffic. The line at the front door snaked down Cabot Street and was about 75 people deep by 10 p.m.

I abandonned that plan and headed towards the tent at Majors Pub to meet some pals. I was then informed that the tent was so crowded it was almost impossible to get a beer. Not fun to elbow your way through a bunch of intoxicated people unless you want a black eye.

My next destination was Hookslide Kelly's on Merrimack Street. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes (yes there was a line!) I finally had a cold beer in hand. Since it was more difficult to get into one of downtown's pubs than to get on an airplane with a lighter, we stayed at the sports bar until last call.

I feel I missed out on much of the Thanksgiving eve festivities. Can anyone fill me in at what was happening at the Worthen, Dubliner, Old Court, Courtyard, Molly Kays, Gus & Pauls, etc?

Throwing a cocktail party this holiday?

DJ Rick Naples of the Amber Room in Nashua says your party play list depends on the crowd you are inviting. His tip is to log onto FM radio station Kiss 108's Web site and peruse through their top 30 songs. This is where you can get a mix of everything from Justin Timberlake to Maroon 5 to Alicia Keys.

They're the station that plays everything," said Naples, "Their rotation is a great mix that can please a crowd."

DJ Terry Moran, who spins every where from Las Vegas to The Brewery Exchange in Lowell says "you want to impress more than you want to educate" your cocktail party guests. He advises choosing well-known, but not popular jams from all genres and time frames, then mixing in a holiday tune every four or five songs.

DJ Terry Moran's play list

"Moondance," Van Morrison

"For Once In My Life," Stevie Wonder

After lots of rumors, speculation and incoherent performances, Amy Winehouse has canceled the rest of her European tour.

The Sun in London is reporting that Amy said, "I can't give it my all onstage without my Blake. I'm so sorry but I don't want to do the shows half-heartedly. I love singing. My husband is everything to me and without him it's just not the same."

Her husband Blake Fielder-Civil has been in jail pending drug charges. The tumultuous couple has been photographed looking not too sober or healthy on many occasions this past year. Winehouse's own father was calling for a boycott of her CDs until she was well.

There will be refunds for those who bought tickets. We wish Amy the best since her album "Back to Black" was genius.

In keeping with the original concept of this column, I was supposed to give readers an uncensored glimpse -- by family newspaper standards -- into a woman on her walkabout. That soul-searching in stilettos has tried to answer some of life's most cryptic questions.

I have tripped up over some of these conundrums more often than the cobblestones downtown. They can be more puzzling than the length of time the TomKat marriage has made it thus far. For example, why being buxom, blonde and brainless in our culture gets you an icon status. Or why the phenomenon of having a starter husband has suddenly become trendy. Or why people think that vanity plates are hip.

Let's call a spade a spade. Saying that you are a desperate divorcee is far less sexy than asserting you were once a starter wife. As for the triple threat, men feel threatened by the other three Bs -- buxom, bright and brunette. Vanity plates -- they're like the continuation of the war in Iraq, inexplicable.

One mating mystery that recently crossed my path is whether the blind date has seen its day. Is there such a thing as "blind" if you can Google the person before your rendezvous and see an actual picture of him from his company outing on any image-hosting site? I think Ray Charles, God rest his singing soul, would agree that does not fall into the definition of blind.
What is worse than seeing an enlarged pic of your evening cocktail companion donning Bermuda shorts and socks with sandals?

I'll tell you: when he pops up in the local rag's arrest log, or worse, on dontdatehimgirl.com. They say knowledge is power, but what if this knowledge is acquired from a spiteful woman who was just dumped? Maybe she was the problem, one of those everything-has-to-be-taupe types. You know exactly the type I am talking about here.

Sometimes, an Internet search can be a girl's first line of protection. My girlfriend met a guy, who gave her this big long schmooze fest about how he was redeveloping an abandoned mill building into high-end retail and live-in space. Instead of Cupid, she saw dollar signs floating all around his head. After plugging his name into the flashing cursor, she discovered he was a deadbeat dad from New Hampshire.

But then there are the guys you like. Same gal met another man who she thought was Brad Pitt to her Angelina Jolie. She resisted Googling on this one, thinking he might be a sex offender or worse. She gave into her temptation and entered his name anyway. To her delight, there was no results except some high school sport scores.

She decided to tell the fool on their second date that she Googled him and he came up clean. His dumb response: "Really? I was sure one of my arrests would be on there."

I don't know who was more astonished -- him or her.

Some truths are better never to be known.

E-mail your dating dilemmas to lowellita@lowellsun.com.

Bryan Austin Green?!?

Is he:
(a.) Training for a 90210 Survivor.
(b.) Justin Timberlake's body double.
(c.) just a plain ol' meat head.

Red Sox pitching ace, Jonathan Papelbon, is going to be in Lowell tonight for a Spinners charity event. With his desire to dance, we are sure he may just end up out at one of downtown Lowell's watering holes. Could be The Brewery or The Old Court, since he is a fan of the Irish jig.

If you spot the Paps out on the prowl in Lowell send us your pictures!