After being stuck in the desert for this past week, I now understand why most rehabs are located in Arizona, New Mexico or any other state that has nothing but dirt. While I was away the residents of Hollyweird were living up to their reputation…

Let’s see…

Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail for violating her probation. Hope orange is here color. She better prepare now by removing those extensions and silk manicure. And if anyone sees a "Free Paris" T-shirt anywhere, drop me a line.

Troubled actor Tom Sizemore was bagged for meth possession. Maybe he and Hiltie can be cellmates.

Lindsay Lohan is popping up in hazy photographs with some gal pals doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom. Seems that rehab didn’t rub off on the 20-year-old.

Baywatch alum David Hasselhoff lost visitation rights after a video surfaced showing him having a Mel Gibson moment.