We have been blessed with the “People’s Princess.” We have regrettably been graced with a “Pop Princess.” But is London ready for the “Party Princess?”
Well, they don’t have any choice because a gal named Lowellita is about to take over their country, causing more of a ruckus than Pete Doherty if his dealer got busted by Scotland Yard.
I’m talking about the space vacated by Kate Middleton. On the “Worst Luck in Love” list, this lady should secure the top spot for more years than Doherty has left before joining Kurt Cobain in heroin heaven.
This dumped dame is losing more than her man, she’s losing her golden ticket. And this gold is not plated, it’s priceless.
Longtime gal pal of Prince William is single after a five-year courtship with the handsome heir. Looks like there will be no Windsor wedding for the tiara temptress. But who’s crying in their Earl Grey? Not I.
Actually I haven’t been this delighted since the impregnating Patriot Tom Brady and actress Bridget Moynahan declared game over.
There is much speculation swirling around Buckingham Palace about the real reason for the demise of his royal relationship. Some say it was Willie’s playboy partying. The night before the Buckingham break-up was made public, the heir-apparent rang up a £9,000 liquor tab at a London lounge. Ah, a man after my own heart.
Others say it was his granny who told the handsome prince that she “doesn’t want another Diana.” Either the Queen has lost her mind or Helen Mirren is playing some sick joke on the rest of us. Maybe mum doesn’t have much going on underneath those hideous hats she wears.
Speaking of hat head, if I was Willie I would have dumped Middleton based on her heady hat choices a long time ago. I don’t know what is worse, his little bro’s Nazi Halloween get-up or Middleton’s ostrich feather fedora.
Off with her head! The columnist court has spoken.
Should Lowellita book the next flight across the pond to find her prince? E-mail lowellita@lowellsun.com.