If my eighth grade religion teacher was aware that last Wednesday I was so enthralled in the battles of bald Britney Spears and Tom Brady’s baby blunder that I did not even realize it was the beginning of Lent, she would have busted into at least 10 Hail Marys in order to save my soul.
Being the product of nine never-ending years in a Catholic grammar school, I myself am feeling a bit guilty that I didn’t give any thought to what I was going to forgo for 40 days. It’s already too late to give up any of my vices so instead, in Lowellita tradition, I decided to see what our favorite and not-so-favorite celebrities might be abandoning until the second Sunday in April.

Howard K. Stern —The lawyer/lover/liar should give up three things for each of his personalities. We can start with his license to practice law, then Dannielynn’s DNA and lastly the real reason behind Anna Nicole Smith’s unexpected demise.

Anna Nicole Smith — Hey, she is still not buried so until then she technically counts as part of the population. But I don’t really know if there is anything left for her to give up ... her dignity, her reputation, her soul ...?

Tom Brady — His aspirations to be a politician someday.

Britney Spears — Her two sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James. Well at least until her hair grows back, she might traumatize the little buggers for life with her Captain Jean Luc Picard inspired look.

Christina Aguilera — The color red. It’s over, please find a new signature style.

Lindsay Lohan — Being sober. Can you say B-O-R-I-N-G! When is this girl going to take some of the heat off Britney and start flashing her goods around town while fighting with Paris Hilton in a drunken rage again? I thought her and Britney were pals? Doesn’t she know when to step in on behalf of her friends in need?

Jennifer Hudson — Pretending to like Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and especially Simon Cowell.

MySpace Tom — His default profile pic. Change your T-shirt and lose the smile ... I’ll just stop while I’m ahead, this column is about a religious holiday you know.

Cameron Diaz — The dirt on Justin Timberlake. Come on girl, the boy dived right onto the playing field with not one, but two starlets within the same week of your split. Hit him where it hurts and give an exclusive tell-all to People.

Did I leave anyone out? If so, then e-mail Lowellita@lowellsun.com,/b> and save your prays for someone else.

The Brangelina clan is expanding. Word is that Angelina Jolie has filed papers to adopt a child from Vietnam.

Jolie and her partner, Brad Pitt, visited Vietnam over Thanksgiving. That’s when they went to the Tam Binh orphanage just outside Ho Chi Minh City.

The dashing duo already adopted Maddox from Cambodia and Zahara from Ethiopia. They also have their own daughter, Shiloh.

The AP is reporting that Vietnam's top adoption official, Vu Duc Long, said Jolie applied to adopt as a single parent which seems a little strange…

The hearse containing the body of Anna Nicole Smith has arrived in the Bahamas.

Anna Nicole’s mother, Virgie Arthur, arrived with the procession even though she tried to stop the funeral an hour beforehand.

The casket was carried to the church down a long red carpet for her final Hollywood stroll.

Both Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead are at the services, along with Slash, the guitarist from Velvet Revolver and formerly Guns ‘n’ Roses.

Finally Anna will be able to rest in peace.

Nicole Richie was hospitalized late Friday afternoon for "exhaustion". Seems that you can't stay on the A-List these days without being treated for dehydration.

Richie was already released and her publicist issued the following statement:

"Nicole is home resting and will return to work this evening. We are proud of the weight that Nicole is gaining and her focus on her health."

Did anyone say anything about her weight?

No-hit wonder, Kevin Federline, isn’t really the "Feder-Jerk" we all dubbed him last year. It seems that in the wake of the battles of bald Britney, K-Fed shaved his head in support of his troubled ex-wife and mother of his two sons.

Fed-Ex is also taking care of Sean Preston and Jayden James, along with Brit’s mother.

Reports have surfaced that he fallen pop princess is not doing well in Promises, the rehab facility she is staying in. Her cousin Alli has been taking care of her personal business, shopping for her and supporting her while she is treated in the Malibu facility.

British tabloids were reporting that the Britster went bonkers last week painting "666" on her bald dome and running around the clinic screaming "I’m the anti-Christ!" They also reported that she tried to hang herself with a bed sheet.

These are the same tabs that a couple of weeks ago ran an interview with her 48-hour first husband, Jason Alexander, claiming she was a heavy drug user.

The real litmus test is if this information comes from People or Us Weekly. If it’s not on Perez Hilton than it must not be true.

Stay strong Brit! We’re with you!

Now we’re thinking the Anna Nicole Smith baby-daddy drama could carry a whole episode of Maury.

And you won’t believe who the next person is claiming to be the father of Dannielynn…none other than O.J. Simpson.

Pick your chin up off your keyboard now…it’s true.

Apparently, Norm Pardo, a videographer who has followed Simpson' for the past five years, told Page Six that O.J. told him that he "knew Anna Nicole pretty well," and that he had "slow-moving sperm," What that means I have no clue.

Pardo, also said The Juice does not want his possible paternity exposed, because, "I don't want Fred Goldman trying to seize her money – or the baby herself."

Can it get any stranger???

Reports are surfacing on the Internet that Tom Brady’s new gal-pal model Gisele Bundchen is two months pregnant with his child!

Now that’s what I would call a quarterback sack!

What do you think? Is there any truth to this rumor or did Bridget Moynahan plant it to make Tom look more like a fumbling fool. And why would Gisele want to tarnish that bottom with some baby weight?

So if Gisele isn’t preggars another busty babe is.

Actress Salma Hayek is pregnant AND engaged to Francois-Henri Pinault.,

Pinault is chairman of French luxury goods empire PPR SA, which owns high-end fashion houses like Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Balenciaga and Stella McCartney.

That baby is going to be one rich little jet-setter. Wonder if they'll have play dates with Bridget Moynahan's baby???

Sylvester Stallone was charged in Australia for carrying 48 vials of a banned human growth hormone.

The 60-year-old actor was stopped at the airport in Sydney with his entourage. He was issued a summons to appear in court. If found guilty, Stallone could face a fine of $22,000 when he enters a plea on April 24.

I don’t know what is stranger, an old-man taking steroids or that Stallone has an entourage?

Tori Spelling gave birth to a boy yesterday via C-Section at Cedars Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles.

The 90210 alum went into labor on Monday and was admitted to the hospital at 9:30 p.m.

Candy Spelling, Tori’s mother who has been estranged from her daughter since her father’s death last year, was at the hospital with the new mom.

Angelina Jolie adopted a 3-year-old Vietnamese boy today. The boy born Pham Quang Sang will now be known as Pax Thien Jolie. In Latin Pax translates to "peace" and Thien means "good"

Her partner, Brad Pitt, is not on the adoption papers and did not accompany her to Vietnam.

"I will stay at home to help Pax adjust to his new life. I have four children and caring for them is the most important thing for me at the moment. I am very proud and happy to be their mother," Jolie said.

Songstress Jessica Simpson and sensitive guy John Mayer are still going strong. The couple was photographed here leaving a romantic dinner at Il Piccolino Trattoria in West Hollywood this week.

My question is what does Mayer see in Simpson? Or better yet, what is she carrying in that super-sized canary yellow bag?

Britney Spears has completed her 30-day stint in rehab and checked herself out late yesterday afternoon.

Rumor has it that the Britster will be teaming up with super producer, Timbaland and her ex beau, Justin Timberlake, for her next album.

Don’t call it a comeback!

We should all know within four days who the father is of the late Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn. Well, that is what we are hoping.

Yesterday, a judge in Nassau ordered that the baby girl has to undergo a paternity test to identify who the father is, either the lawyer/lover Howard K. Stern or photographer Larry Birkhead. It was reported that Birkhead left the courtroom pumping his fists.

I think they should all go on the Maury Povich Show for the reveal.

The self proclaimed Queen of all Media, Perez Hilton, is reporting on his blog that Britney Spears was rushed to the hospital in an SUV by her body gaurds. This incident happened shortly after 5:15 p.m. Pacific Time.

There has been nothing on any other entertainment sites, but we'll keep you posted when something more comes in.

UPDATE: Britney only had a toothache and was at the dentist.

The Britster was just released from Promises Rehab in Malibu this past week, after finishing a 30 day stay. She was pictured here after dining with friends at Shu-Sushi in West Hollywood sporting blue contacts.

There are some mysteries that are finally being solved in the Anna Nicole Smith death but not the baby daddy drama.
After performing an autopsy, Dr. Joshua Perper, the Medical Examiner for Broward County, just announced the 39-year-old former Playboy playmate died of an accidental overdose of medications. She was taking many prescription drugs, including methadone, anti-anxiety drugs and other.
The pinup also had injected a drug into her left buttock days before her death. Dr. Perper announced when Anna Nicole flew to Miami before she died, she was complaining of pain in her left cheek. She developed chills as she went to the Hard Rock and developed a fever of 105 degrees. She refused to go to the hospital.
Dr. Perper says when his team went back and examined Anna Nicole, he found multiple injections in the left buttock and it appeared a needle perforated an abscess and caused the infection that led to a high fever.
Anna did not take methadone the day she died and Dr. Perper concluded it was a combined drug intoxication, including anxiety and depression medication, valium, ativan and antihistamine. She also had chloral hydrate, which was the major component in her death.
Dr. Perper says the injection that caused the buttock infection but that was not the cause of her death.
Anna Nicole Smith might have been alive if she had gone to the hospital for treatment.
Anna's medications were prescribed "by a number of doctors," according to Dr. Perper. It is unclear if each doctor knew what the others were prescribing.
Dr. Perper could not determine the precise time of death. She was alive at 10:00 a.m. and was unresponsive by 1:30 p.m.

Taboo put a black eye on his career as a pristine good-boy rapper. The raven-haired member of the Black Eyed Peas, was arrested last night in Los Angeles after crashing his car. I hope it wasn’t a Ferrari Enzo like Eddie Griffin’s.

Taboo, whose real name is Jaime Luis Gomez was cited for possession of less than an ounce of marijuana, possession of prescription meds without a prescription and DUI. He was released on $5,000 bail.

We’re waiting for an announcement from the BEP camp that Gomez will be voluntarily entering rehab any minute now.

Mug Shot from TMZ.com

Even beautiful people have problems. Actress Halle Berry admitted in a candid interview with "Parade" magazine that she once tried to kill herself by sitting in her car and inhaling the gas fumes.

"I was sitting in my car, and I knew the gas was coming, when I had an image of my mother finding me," Berry said. "She sacrificed so much for her children, and to end my life would be an incredibly selfish thing to do. It was all about a relationship. My sense of worth was so low. I promised myself I would never be a coward again."

The relationship Berry was speaking about was with baseball star, David Justice. Justice and Berry divorced after allegations of abuse. Imagine, then we would have never seen that blessed scene with Billy Bob on the coach in Monsters Ball if Berry took her life!

She also went on to that she attended sex therapy with hubby number two, Eric Benet before dumping him also.

Third time’s a charm though, Berry and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry seem happy together and she even admits to have her "sights are set on a different chapter of my life, which is motherhood. That's the goal I have very clearly set for myself."

Puerto Rican princess, Jennifer Lopez, is being dethroned in a coup by her fellow Latinos. The Latin music chain, Ritmo Latino is taking her music of its shelves because presdient David Mussry says she "has refused personally to promote her new CD in any of our stores" he told the New York Daily News.

What happened to being "just Jenny from the block"?

Is she smiling because she just got voted the "unhealthiest celeb" or that she only has to pay out $1 million to the K-Fed? Whatever the case Britney Spears was all smiles and looking the healthiest she has been in a wile after lunching in Los Angeles the other day

The Brister and the Fed-Ex lawyers supposedly settled their divorce with the pair sharing custody of the two Federline namesakes. He also will only walk away from the short marriage with a cool million — that’s poverty in Hollywood territory. He’ll have to move to The Valley.