So now we know why Ms. Hilton dumped her ex-wing woman Nicole Richie.

In the recent issue of In Touch Weekly, America’s favorite heir-head deciphered her equation of how she chooses who will be her new BFF. The trashion plate explained that she picks one figure-flattering outfit and an ill-fitting number. Then she rocks both of them for her new potential party-pal. If they say, "that’s hot" to the faux frock then they’re not in Paris’s VIP posse any longer.

Genius!

But wait a minute here. Wouldn’t this plan foil if say the future friend had a Britney Spears fashion sense?

So now that Kate Hudson is no longer rocking her Penny Lane persona, she’s taking a page from her mother’s little black book and dating a C-List actor. The cover of Us Weekly blames her split with hubby, Black Crowes frontman, Chris Robinson on a tryst with Owen Wilson.

Supposedly the pair had a fling while filming the summer sleeper "You, Me and Dupree."

Sound familiar…Brad and Angelina, Dane and Jessica…any more in the works?

Our favorite non-celebrity celeb, Nicole Richie is fading from the public eye lately. Not because she has suddenly adopted a reclusive lifestyle (gasp-God forbid she stay in for once), but due to her ever-slimming frame.

Anyone remember Shrinky-Dinks? Maybe she reacts to the Malibu sun like they do to the heat of the oven.

But really, the Ally McBeal look went out when the show was canceled.

What do you prefer Nicole before or after?

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Last night's Teen Choice Awards were like a five-year high school reunion — still too fresh to have let go of exes, embarrassing mishaps, rumors and back stabbing friends. The show reunited former Newlyweds, Nick and Jessica with awkward references to their split.

But the highlight of the night came with the closing number from Mr. Spears, K-Fed. The faux-rapper almost made me lose my dinner with his performance of "Lost Control".

I think I finally figured out why Britney stays with the Prince of White Trash. He is a bad Justin Timberlake impersonator. Thank heavens JT is bringin’ sexy back, since K-Fed is bringin’ Vanilla Ice back.

Stop the presses!

"People" magazine is reporting that Brooke Burke and David Chavert are engaged and expecting their first child together. Both are famous for their TV roles, hers for hosting "Wild On" and his Emmy winning performances on both "Baywatch" and "Melrose Place" (I’m kidding here if you didn’t actually get that already.)

Let's see how Burke holds up after baby #3 since dumping her plastic surgeon husband last year.

Which parents will have a better looking love child: Brangelina or them? Or rather who has a better chance of ending up on this blog in 20 years? Maybe we should put Suri Holmes Cruise in the running also.

Tune in and be prepared to drop out after watching "Fun Sun and Totally Done: The Real World Key West Reunion" show tonight on MTV at 10 p.m.

Wouldn’t it be a great show if Paula was drunk spewing her "What-evah!" at the resident drama queen Tyler, while he was mocking "Fitz’s" tale of her talking cat with his partner in crime Janelle, which will piss frat-boy John off so much he’ll walk off the stage and Zach will calm him down with his usual psycho-babble. Who did I forget? Oh yeah-Jose, he’ll just, well sit there and look pretty.

Any bets who will throw the first punch?

Rapper Sean "P. Diddy" Combs is having another baby with model Kim Porter. The troubled on-and-off couple had an eight-year-old son from before the rap mogul’s J-Lo days.

With the odd baby name choices by star parents these days, any guesses on what they will dub their bundle of joy?

For some strange reason Wednesday is L.A.’s day of rest. Maybe it’s their dealer’s day off. So every week we’ll dish on the glitterati’s newest couple on the scene.

This week "Life & Style" magazine reports that Brandon Davis of recent "fire-crotch" fame is shacking up at Paris Hilton’s Sunset Strip pad.

I give them two weeks before he ends up on YouTube ranting about her nether regions and she’s back with Starvros.

Did anyone actually go to the Mariah Carey concert at Mohegan Sun casino this weekend?
Rumor has it that the divalicious queen of bad outfits was not herself. Maybe she’s having another breakdown. Or maybe the casino staff didn’t accommodate her demands for removing all references the Native Americans. Kidding here, but I’m sure Mimi has made some outrageous ones at some point.

With tix going for $160 a pop for a 45-minute performance, the butterfly babe may just have lost some of her dwindling fan base. Was anyone in attendance? Not that I actually think I’ll get any posts with that question. How about what the hell happened to Mariah since her "Emotions" days? Now that’s sure to get some responses!

Jessica Simpson’s new album "A Public Affair" hits stores today on a sour note. The buxom blonde apparently has lost her voice and was order not to talk by her doctor. Lucky us!!!

The ex-Mrs. Lachey canceled her upcoming appearances on "Today", "TRL" and "The Late Show with David Letterman"

I wonder if acid reflux runs in the family? Didn’t her younger sis, Ashlee, experience the same thing and choked at the Rose Bowl performance? Maybe this is a marketing ploy thought up by Papa Joe.

By the way...is anyone actually going to buy her new CD?

My fav member of the Glitterati, Ms. Paris Hilton is taking a virgin to outer space.

The heir-head has reserved a seat on million-dollar thrill seeker and Virgin CEO, Richard Branson’s space-shuttle venture. Though there is no set date for the launch, Hiltie reportedly paid $195,000 for the ride of a lifetime. I thought she could get that for free from one of her many boy-toys.

She may be shocked to learn though that adult diapers are required for the blast off. That may make or break her decision, since she has been photographed panty-less on many occasions.

To the moon, Paris….to the moon!!!!!