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December 26, 2007

Column spreads the Christmas cheer

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

Yes, believe it or not, it's that time of year again when we elves who manufacture the Sunday Column each week throughout the year spend hours thinking of special gifts for those in state, regional and local political and business worlds.

To those of you who might get angry at your particular gift, relax. To those of you who get a chuckle, that's great and spread the cheer.

We elves apologize to anyone who might not understand why someone is receiving a particular gift. Rest assured, they know.

So here goes:

FOR CITY Councilor-elect Alan Kazanjian: a dozen doughnuts, from Dunkin' doughnuts, of course.

FOR CITY Councilor Rodney Elliott: a stuffed deer's head for above his mantel.

FOR LOWELL lawyer Michael Gallagher: a Karla Brooks Baehr bobble-head doll.

FOR CITY Councilor-elect and caterer extraordinaire Michael Lenzi: The Conflict of Interest Cookbook.

FOR LOWELL High School Headmaster Bill Samaras: another year as headmaster
... and another year ... and another year ...

FOR BAEHR: nothing. She'll get her present on Jan. 22, when the state Board of Education meets to hire its next public-education czar.

FOR STATE Rep. David Nangle: a cane to go with the top hat he'll wear when he gets the sergeant-at-arms post in the state Legislature.

FOR FORMER City Manager Bill Taupier: a telephone call from the current City Manager Bernie Lynch.

FOR LYNCH: a thick skin, plenty of aspirin and a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. He may need all three with the next City Council. Also, a Lowell address.

FOR LOWELL School Committee member John Leahy: a crash course in Robert's Rules of Order.

FOR CITY Councilor Edward "Bud" Caulfield, the incoming mayor of Lowell: a Bat-phone to Lynch's office.

FOR CITY Councilors Armand Mercier and Rita Mercier: Nothing. Their gift was Kazanjian's and Lenzi's election to the City Council.

FOR CITY Councilor Kevin Broderick: A magnifying glass and fingerprint kit so he can uncover who leaked information on the Stoklosa School report.

FOR CITY Councilor Bill Martin: A speedy recovery.

FOR RETIRING City Councilor Eileen Donoghue: Nangle's seat in the state Legislature.

FOR CITY Councilor James Milinazzo, who attends every neighborhood meeting in every enclave: a red Saab convertible.

FOR UMASS Lowell Chancellor Marty Meehan: A GPS system, so he can find his way to work from his new home in Andover.

FOR UMASS Lowell pollster Louis DiNatale: a clean exit strategy.

FOR GOV. Deval Patrick: a DVD of HGTV's home-decorating hit Design on a Dime.

FOR STATE Sen. Steven Panagiotakos: a new law-office telephone number. The digits are almost an exact match to a local pizzeria. He also gets a stack of gambling chips.

FOR SENATE President Therese Murray: a cushy lobbying job, paving the way for Panagiotakos to become Senate president.

FOR THE Lowell Senators, Panagiotakos' 0-1 softball team: Hitting lessons at the Future Stars batting cages in Dracut.

FOR CHELMSFORD Town Manager Paul Cohen: a long-term contract before he announces next year's tax rate.

FOR LOWELL High football coach Al Pare: more than two wins.

FOR 5TH District Rep. Niki Tsongas: a guarantee her district doesn't get sliced and diced when the Bay State loses one of its House seats. Also, a reminder that Lowell is the heart of her district.

FOR CONGRESSIONAL runner-up Jim Ogonowski: A more supportive Republican Party if and when he ties up the gloves for round two against Tsongas.

FOR PRESIDENT George W. Bush, who said last Thursday "suiciders" are crossing the Syrian border into Iraq: a dictionary.

FOR INCOMING Lowell School Committee member David Conway: a real list of residences of people promoted in the city school system.

FOR LOWELL School Committee member Jackie Doherty: a new seating arrangement when the new school board is seated in January. Right now, she's sitting between arch-enemies Conway and Regina Faticanti.

FOR FATICANTI: a lesson in how to win gracefully.

FOR OUTGOING Lowell School Committee member Kevin McHugh: a fully-loaded tour bus so he can take his stand-up comedy act on the road.

FOR BILLERICA Town Hall: a popcorn machine, ticket taker and marquee to capitalize on the potential revenue source that is the Monday Night Fights (aka Board of Selectmen and Planning Board meetings).

FOR BILLERICA Town Manager Rocco Longo: a week in Hawaii and a bucket of homemade meatballs.

FOR BILLERICA Police Chief Dan Rosa: a quiet litigation-free 2008, and maybe some of those homemade meatballs.

FOR BILLERICA Selectman Kathy Matos: the gavel. Let's try letting the voice of reason run the meetings.

FOR THE town of Westford: a new Town Hall.

FOR NEW Westford Police Chief Thomas McEnaney: a copy of the state public records act.

FOR THE Littleton Police Department: a new police station.

FOR THE Westford Board of Selectmen: a copy of the state's open-meeting law.

FOR AYER Selectman Frank Maxant: a victory against the state Department of Revenue and the IRS in his long-running dust-up over taxes.

FOR AYER Selectman Chairman Gary Luca: a razor to shave his wannabe Santa Claus beard.

FOR TOWNSEND Town Clerk Dan Murphy: a quick recovery from his recent stroke.

FOR GROTON selectmen: a pencil sharpener and calculator to deal with their new-found budget woes.

FOR TYNGSBORO Selectman Jay Booth: a DVD of 2 Fast 2 Furious.

FOR THE town of Tyngsboro: nothing. Who needs a Christmas present when you own the Shur-Fine market?

FOR PELHAM Fire Chief Michael Walker, whose Dalmatian was banned from the fire station: his own copy of 101 Dalmatians.

FOR PELHAM-WINDHAM Superintendent of Schools Frank Bass: a $995 ottomon to complement his $995 office chair.

FOR MERRIMACK Repertory Theatre Artistic Director Charles Towers and Executive Director Tom Parrish: more New York raves like those they got this fall for MRT's off-Broadway debut with Secret Order.

FOR TSONGAS Arena General Manager Craig Gates: more events.

FOR CHELMSFORD Ambulance Committee: High-speed I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T. Think of all you could achieve by the end of one meeting.

FOR CHELMSFORD DPW/Fire Facility Committee: a clue about the town's finances.

FOR CHELMSFORD Town Moderator Dennis McHugh, Board of Health member Earnest Wu, and Constable William Spence: flu shots. Chelmsford could use the extra $42,000 it spends for your health-insurance premiums.

FOR THOMAS Finneran, the disgraced felon and former House speaker: a box of tissues.

FOR REPUBLICAN Presidential candidate Mitt Romney: green cards for his landscapers.

FOR SAINTS Medical Center President Michael Guley and Norm Deschene, president of Lowell General Hospital: their own sets of Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots.

FOR DRACUT Housing Authority Director Mary Karabatsos: nothing. She got her Christmas gift when she was appointed to the $63,000-a-year job, despite the fact that she was a last-minute candidate with the least amount of experience.

FOR DRACUT Superintendent of Schools Elaine Espindle: a job as the new superintendent in Lowell, and a stocking full of good wishes and congratulations for a job well done during her 10-years at the Dracut helm.

FOR INCOMING Dracut Superintendent Spencer Mullin: a School Committee that will not try to micromanage his affairs and will actually appreciate it when and if he demands accountability from employees.

FOR DRACUT Housing Commissioners Thomas Salem and Robert Audet: someone with the political savvy and smooth moves to replace James Gookin, who stepped down after the hiring of Karabatsos, his personal choice.

FOR FORMER Dracut Housing Director Joe Tully Jr: marked improvement on a daily basis as he fights back from the effects of a massive stroke.

FOR DRACUT School Committee member Dennis "D.J." Deeb, who also serves on the Greater Lowell Technical High School Committee, teaches at Reading High School, is an adjunct professor at Bunker Hill Community College, a college instructor at UMass Lowell and has authored a book, The Collapse Of Middle East Peace: A "Dance, Dance Revolution" video game so maybe he can lighten up a little.

FOR THE Dracut Fire Department: a successful selectman's candidate in 2008.

FOR WARREN Shaw: Some ink and film. It's a shame the poor guy can't get any press.

FOR DRACUT Selectman George Malliaros: An Inspector Gadget lie-detector set so he can personally question the Dracut Police Department about the missing drugs from 2003.

FOR DRACUT Water Supply Superintendent Gary McCarthy: A new Jack Bauer-type SUV. Poor Gary hasn't had a new vehicle in almost a year. And some more high-tech equipment. They already have more tech toys than CTU.

FOR EVERY Tewksbury resident and town official: a copy of Tired of Being Broke by Malcolm Allen.

FOR TEWKSBURY Town Manager David Cressman: a "Happy 20th Anniversary" card. Actually, make that a "Best Wishes" card for fiscal 2009.

FOR TEWKSBURY Police Chief Al Donovan: a blank slate.

FOR THE people of Tewksbury: top elected officials that actually complete their terms.

FOR TEWKSBURY Selectmen Chairman Jerry Selissen: a "I (Heart) Sewer" bumper-sticker.

FOR SOON-to-be retired Wilmington Fire Chief Daniel Stewart: Public recognition as he tries hard to quietly sneak out of the fire station after 32 years on the job.

FOR WILBUR the goose: a peck at the lovingly planted flowers of the Wilmington Board of Health members who banished him from the home of his owner, Michael Bodnar.

FOR CURRENT Wilmington Town Counsel Paul DeRensis and former Town Counsel and Selectman Michael Newhouse: a trip to Camp David.

Contributing to this week's special edition of The Column were City Editor Christopher Scott, City Hall reporter Michael Lafleur, Billerica/Lowell Schools reporter Jennifer Amy Myers, Ayer reporter Jack Minch, Groton reporter Hiroko Sato, Tyngsboro-Pelham reporter Chris Camire, Lifestyle reporter Nancye Tuttle , Chelmsford reporter Rita Savard, Statehouse reporter Matt Murphy, Dracut Reporter Dennis Shaughnessey, Washington reporter Evan Lehmann and Tewksbury/Wilmington reporter Alexandra Mayer-Hohdahl.

Posted by Admin at December 26, 2007 1:20 PM